Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Alice

I woke up and we were in Staffordshire, the girls all passed out on one another, dozing despite the mid afternoon sun through the windows.

As an unsigned band we still couldn't afford a proper Van, and so this little white thing we'd nicked off someones brother was all we had.

I smirked at Fliss curled up with her hair in her face, her head on Rudy's chest. There were glitter stains left on her cheeks which looked a little strange in the daylight, and when she began to shift and rub the sleep from her eyes she looked a little less than her usual self.

"Got a ciggy?" She mumbled making no effort to push herself up from Rudy's side. She'd always had the tendency to magnetize with him when she was feeling down. If it weren't for their striking difference in class you'd have thought they were brother and sister.

I offered her a cigarette from Jazz's pocket, his eyes too fixed on the road for him to notice.

"Where we stopping today?" I asked, this little tour being her idea, the rest of us weren't ever really sure where we were going or when we were coming and going.

"Somewhere near Sugarmill and then I know a lad who's having a party, gonna get fucked up with the boys," she winked though her eyes were sticky with sleep and her lashes stuck together so that her delivery was less than smooth.

By the time Jazz pulled up outside one of Fliss's distant friends shit council house my bones were crying out for a stretch. My joints all stiffened as I tried to make my way inside and Jazz laughed at my blatant struggle.

"Struggling girl?" He chuckled his hand holding my lower back as I stopped by the bathroom to dibs the shower first.

Apparently I'd met Ryan before, at a house party in September when we had first moved in together. I didn't recognize the blonde haired, green eyes lad though, not even when he recognized me, greeting me with a smile and laughing at my fresh from the shower wet hair.

"heard its gonna be a mad one tonight then Ry?" i asked smoking out of his kitchen window, hoping he would grin and say yes, because I had been craving another mad one since the last festival, since the night at Isle of White when we all got mashed up and lost somewhere in a field in Hampshire.

"I wouldn't be wasting my time on a Party if I thought it would be anything but mad duck," he nodded boiling opening a beer on the counter and handing one to me.

"I like you Ryan," i winked, "You're one of the good guys,"

"Ask anyone round here an I'm sure they'll disagree,"

"Oh but of course," i said taking a sip, smirking when I heard Rudy and Floss arguing over who got to shower next.

"Shower together," called Ryan with a smirk of his own, "save water!"

"Get to fuck you cheeky perv!" Came Fliss's less that eloquent response as the argument was settled and ten minutes later she emerged, wet hair dripping down the sleeves of her oversized Rugby top, splashing on the windowsill where she perched on the counter and lit up by my side.

"I hope you're gonna get me absolutely giraffed tonight Ryan my old buddy old pal," she smiled at him a little childishly when he offered her a beer and she opted for Rosé instead. 

"Of course flower," he grinned, "what time are you going out?" 

"I don't know," she sighed, her whole demeanour suddenly changing. "God, i don't think I've ever not felt like playing somewhere," 

"Ey now!" he exclaimed clapping her on the back, "dunner go sacking it off will ye lass! You canna come all way to Stoke if yous aren't even gonna play down Alfie's!" 

"Yeah alright alright!" she threw her hands in the air and frowned, the mardiest expression I'd ever seen on the girl, crossing her arms as she let out a sigh and said fine. 

"Something strange has gotten into you lately honey-bean, and we're not playing Radiohead again tonight you know, we're playing something happy!" I teased, Saffron and Katie grinned as they joined us by the window. 

"Yeah if you pull a set as dreary as last night out the bag again I'm sitting back down," giggled Saff only teasing. 

"Dunner you worry girls, she'll cheer up, I've got a present for her," winked Ryan, who's face I was still struggling to place in the back of my mind. I could feel it now, that creeping sensation on your spine. You know that you know something. That something happened once, but you can't remember what and you worry you never will. 

"Well.." said Fliss, "what is it?" she asked, smiling finally when Ryan emptied a little white powder onto a key and said, inhale at your own risk. 

Of course she did, and then I did, Saff and Katie too, Jazz did and then Rudy did and by the time we'd been to the pub, played our songs and stumbled home, we were just about ready for another line, and another line and another line, until the lights in Ryan's ceiling sparkled like neon diamonds, and the strangers who passed us by in the hallway as we were kicking off our shoes, all seemed to sound the same. They all said the same things and the songs we sang along to, the coffee tables we danced on and the sofas we sunk into shone in technicolour. I was breathing in technicolour. 

"Hey Felicity Wishes my lovely little ball of fluff!" I grinned pulling my friend into a tight hug, spinning her round to Don't Delete The Kisses, taking her by surprise. Her smile spread across her cheeks and lit her eyes up momentarily as she giggled along with me, but I could tell she was still a little down and I was beginning to worry about her. I'd not seen her like this since her breakup with Dan, all mousy and subdued, half the world away and half the girl I thought I knew. "Whats wrong bubba welsh cake?" I frowned as she shrugged her shoulders and perched by the patio doors. 

"I'm just having one of those trips," she said softly, "I should sleep," 

"You should drink more," I winked, leading her into the kitchen where it was a little quieter. She slumped down at he kitchen table as I busied myself pouring us two new drinks, laughing her off when she started talking shit. 

"Are you gonna sleep with Ryan again then?" she mused. 

"Wait!" I said stopping in my tracks, "Ryan?!" my eyes must have gone wide because when hers met mine she couldn't hide her laughter. 

"Yeah!" she giggled, "don't you remember!" 

"Fliss honey, you know I never remember," I smirked, "Christ I hate my straight side..." I sighed, "always making poor decisions. 

At that she laughed even more and I was left to join her at the kitchen table with a smirk of my own. 

"Are you fucking Ru?" I asked stopping her in her tracks, a little frown forming on her freckled face. 

"No," she smirked almost snorting into her drink, "I havent fucked anyone since Dan," she shrugged with a slightly simpering look in her sad eyes. "Who needs to fuck when you've got weed, cocaine and whatever the fuck this is," she raised her glass as if to toast and I giggled along though I couldn't say I agreed. If Katie was the quiet one, Saffy was the sentimental one and Fliss was the one with the high violet smile, then I was the slutty one, well, me and Jazz shared the title really. 

"You still haven't?" 

"No?" she said it like it was a question but she was only questioning why I cared and the answer to that was simply that she needed to. "I don't see the point," she shrugged. 

"Well there is a point," I said, "the point is that for as long as he's the last person you've fucked, you'll still feel shit about what happened..."

"Mate I don't feel shit about what happened," she snapped suddenly, but I wasn't deterred. She had the tendency to snap and mellow. "Sorry, but i don't, I've moved on from that, i did ages ago..."

"Yeah?" 

"More than you know," she offered me a small smile, the warmth returning to her eyes when they met mine. 

"You promise?" I asked, eyebrow raised, pinky held out to her. 

"Pinky swear," she smiled, "lock it pop it, communist block it," she winked before cracking a smile. "You're gonna fuck Ryan again aren't you," I bit my lip, I couldn't hide the facts, I make terrible decisions when I'm drunk.