Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Saffron

"No no no put me down!" i squealed, my head spinning as Matty reeled around with me slung over his shoulder. The cure was on, they were having a party in their hotel room, we were 2 weeks into the tour, coked up and making a mess. The same as we'd done almost every night since we left home to be with them.

We were in London now, for only a few hours more perhaps but still, London. Technically that was home ground but I'd never felt futher away from home than I did in that moment, kicking and screaming as Matty spun me around and George turned up the volume.

In the brief moments i dared to open my eyes I saw Fliss and Kitty floating around. Kitty seemed tranquil, drifting about the room in a daze, dancing slowly yet strangely in time to Inbetween Days. I smiled, she caught my eye and smiled back.
But Fliss. Fliss seemed less than tranquil, slightly out of sync. As if the rest of the world was moving too fast and she couldn't quite keep up.

It hurt my heart to think she might be getting bad again, but when Jazz swept in with Rudy, one of them on either of her arms, her head came to rest on Rudys shoulder and just like that they were drifting outside for a sobering smoke.

"you looked fit tonight," Mattys voice in my ear as he put me down made me jump. He was slippery with sweat and when i looked up he was licking his lips. Still i smiled slightly, i hadn't been expecting him to be so blunt. Usually he was all metaphores and "word of the day"s. Usually he made me roll my eyes with some long word that just meant graceful, made him sound like he was trying to be oscar wilde though he'd never admit it and probably never understand the irony.

"wow plain english," i teased, "what happened to the dexterity of your language ey?" i teased expecting him to frown, anyone else would have frowned, but he didn't. He simply shrugged me off, let me flow like water over his back, and leant in to kiss my cheek.

"youre cheeky Saffy," he smirked, "you think you're gonna wind me up but you're just pretty,"

"Right," i smirked a little unsure what to say. I'd never been called "just pretty" before and it didn't feel as nice as I'd always imagined it would. It sort of felt like a blunt trauma. It winded me a little, set me one step out of sync with the evening. I realised i had nothing to say.

Still when i passed out that night it was on Matty and it was Jazz and Rudy who had found me, shivering in my sleep, pulled me up and carried me to my own room and my own bed and when I woke i would still feel just oh so slightly out of sync. It would be one of those feelings that sticks around for days.

The next morning, packed up in a van heading up the M6, it was their teasing I had to put up with, my head on Fliss's shoulder listening to them all discuss Rudys cousin now that neither Rudy nor his cousin were around to hear them.

"Well i don't like him," yawned Fliss, "don't get me wrong hes an alright guy..." she started back tracking, not because she thought she'd hurt anyones feelings but because she never truly disliked anyone. Even Andy had had his good sides according to Fliss. Only Rhys had ever been truly bad. "He just, hes a bit slimy? Maybe? A little bit? Sometimes?" i wondered who she was asking, whether she wanted me and Kitty to agree. Whether she was trying to warn me or put me off or something like that, though it would have been out of character. The girls had never tried to steer me in one way or another, they'd always understood that I went my own way.

"Hmmm," hummed Kitty, "I know what you mean, not all the time though, only when he's high,"

"everyone gets a bit sleazy when they're high though," shrugged Jazz knowing before he'd even said it that it wasn't true. Still we all laughed along, nodded along. None of us arguing the point, all of us happy to pretend he was right if it meant our new friends were safe, normal. "hes into you though Saffy isn't he," he flashed me a grin, trying to tease me, trying to draw some secret information out of me but i had nothing to tell.