Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Saffron

"I don't know you're like, the purple people eater," i yawned giggling a little at Bondys shocked face as he feigned horror and hurt. "You know like a bit out there, bit jazzeh," i slurred doing my best impression of his geordie lilt, "bit scary at first like but you're actually just dead friendly and all you wanna do is be in a band, bailin out oldsters at the charity bemefit concert..." i bit back a laugh pleased to have left him stoned and speachless, struggling to think of something, anything to say.

Instead he simply shook his head a little slow a little bewildered and let out half a laugh.

"I can't believe you actually remember that film..."

"I'm a Neil Patrick Harris stan right back to day one," i shrugged, "I think my dad bought it home from the video shop once when we were kids?" he split a grin at that. "We used to have it as a special treat, one of me cousins had a video and we all used go round on friday nights watch a film..."

"and your dad had his heart set on the purple people eater?" Bondy leant back in his chair with one eyebrow popped, his flatcap sliding off. I leant forward with my elbows on the table, gazing at his image on the telephone screen.

"Well," i grinned a little sheepishly, "that choice was probably mine or Nickis,"

"I didn't think yous had a brother?" he yawned and I shook my head because he was right, i didnt.

"Nickis a cousin," i smiled softly, fondly, "You know all me family used to live together like, we were gypsies, or you know, we came from a long line of gypsies, we used to live on the forest..."

"I thought yous were posh like fliss," he chuckled, amazed i think. I was amazed. Amazed we'd never talked about any of this before.

"No," i smirked, "i mean only me auntie Rose's lot still live like that," i sighed, "i think my mum and dad settled first, they have this cottage out near dorset now, and then everyone else sort of followed... We all still live really close together but you know, its not the same,"

"You know," he smirked, "i dont think you've ever told me any of this," he said scratching the back of his head, rubbing his eyes. I could tell her was tired. I took another sip of my orange juice and rubbed my own eyes.

I'd not noticed the rest of my friends wander off to bed or drift off asleep at my side. I'd not noticed any of the lads dissappear on Johnnys end either but they had. At some point or other they'd come to the conclusion that sleep and their beds were calling out to them. At one point or another our conversation had taken another turn down a winding road on a tangent none of them could understand or follow and so one by one we'd lost them to their own dreamy sleep. I smiled to myself, only a small smile, only slightly and yet he caught it all the same.

"What was that for?" he asked, his low chuckle taking me back in an instant to that moment in Vans parents kitchen when he'd trapped my body between his and the wall and looking down at me with warm drunk eyes held me speechless and questioning everything.

"What was what for?" i asked and he cracked an uncertain smile.

"that smile," he said, the line crackling a little with his bad signal. For a second we were quiet and I could hear only the motorway we were speeding down, the woosh of cars past the windows.

"Oh," i said not entirely certain myself, "i just like our conversations," i said feeling my cheeks tingling, i hoped he couldn't tell how self concious he'd been making me recently.

"Oh," he nodded slowly, "yeah, so do i," he yawned and though he made a slight movement like he was about to let out another yawn and say something like anyway, we should both get some sleep, he didn't, he only trailed off and let us simmer again, not even looking at the phone he was talking on and instead gazing absentmindedly up at something on the cieling above where i would have been sitting had i been there with him. "Wait..." he seemed to have been lost for a moment but he wasnt anymore. "Did you... Did you say you thought I was scary?" he asked and i bit back an uneasy smile.

That was something which had sort of slipped out before. We'd been talking about which band member I'd equate him too, we'd gone from the muppets to the tweenies to the wiggles. He'd wanted to be david Bowie in Labyrinth but no. The purple people eater. I'd put my foot down and he'd forced me to justify it. He'd asked for an essay but instead he'd simply gotten me stuttering out my own defence. Lazy, strung together, nonsense.

"well..." i trailed off, "I don't know," i rubbed my cheek, tried to hide behind my hands, think of something to distract him but he was frowning still and his eyes seemed to pool with concern and though I'd not thought twice about saying it originally i was beginning to feel a little regretful because I hadn't really meant it at all. Not like that at least. "You're just cool aren't yous," i grinned awkwardly, "or like you seem it at first, you all do but like you especially with your Roxy Music and your taste in pretensious Jazz tracks," i was tryinf to tease him but at the heart of the matter i meant something much more honest than any of this, "and you're smart, like not just smart smart, like life smart, you're like some stumbling drunk guru and when we were first all hanging out yous used to stare at me sometimes and if I ever looked up at you it felt like you were looking right at me. Not at anyone else, like you were seeing me and you know, concentrating, it felt like you could just tell things about me straight away and it was scary because well, you know... "

"No..." he chuckled his cheeks a little flushed, he was no longer looking at me but at his knee, his one leg crossed over the other. It was his turn to sit awkwardly. I wasn't sure but i thought something might have embarrassed him. "i don't..." he trailed off, "go on..."

"I don't know," i said softly almost stifled. I'd expected him to fill in the gaps, I'd hoped he wouldn't make me say it out loud. "Theres stuff that you worked out about me in less than a week that some of my mates I've known years still don't know... You always looked like you were thinkin about something when you looked at me and I always got nervous you'd be thinkin somethin bad.." i trailed off, twiddled my thumbs, didn't dare to look up at him but if i had I'd have seen that warm look return to his eyes. Simmering sentimental.

"Somet bad?" I'd have seen a small smile twitch, caught somewhere between a feeling of endearment and shyness, "about you buttercup? Never,"