Walls Of Hearts

Chapter 20

If you thought about the fact that we were only in Holmes Chapel for less than a week, we'd clearly utilised our days the best we could have. One of the biggest highlights though was a huge barbecue party that Anne and Robin had planned and it was mainly because some of Harry's family couldn't make it to the wedding in Australia and as a result, they wanted to have a huge party for everyone who could make it here.

The party was yesterday and it was the best thing ever and I got along well with everyone which was great. My nerves were of course high but knowing that I'd just had to make it through one day and enjoy it, helped me and was the main reason why I was able to talk to the people there comfortably.

You could tell Harry came from a lovely family and it was the people he was around that enabled him to grow up to also be of the same kind. Funny, polite and caring were just a few words I could use to describe them and it was clear that Harry loved them all dearly.

"Gemma told me you looked amazing... but I should have prepared myself for a sight as such." Harry said to me as the evening began.

Of course, I couldn't reply to it as I had no idea what to say. But luckily for me, Harry dropped it upon sensing my nervousness.

There was even a firework display at the end which was meant as a surprise for both Harry and I but it was also just a cute way to end the party before everyone was starting to head home. I could tell that Harry was seen as a beloved child and Anne and Robin wanted nothing but to celebrate him. And it made sense. They had to give their child away to the world of fame even though he was really young and it must be hard on them to have their sixteen year old travelling the world and only being home for a few days every year.

But it also just showed to me how amazing they were as a family. Harry told me how the whole family was quite close since they would have random parties for no apparent reason and when there was some kind of a reason, then you could expect the parties to be magnificently planned.

It made me smile because I really imagined myself organising a party for them all since party-planning was definitely up my street. But I knew it wasn't going to happen any time soon, although I did wish that we could throw a New Year party for them all or something.

Anne also wanted to speak to me the following day as she wanted to check up on me and make sure that I was dealing with everything well. I found that super thoughtful of her and she gave some of the best pieces of advice ever. It was really weird at first when she was asking me if I wanted to talk about how I've been feeling the past few days since I wasn't someone who could easily express how I felt to someone. It just wasn't something that came easy to me and it was hard since I hadn't even trusted Harry yet with how I felt on different matters and I was being asked by his mum about how I felt lately. Particularly when everything I'd been feeling was just overwhelming feelings of anxiety and led my motivation for things I used to love to do just spiral down.

But there was a part of me that knew how caring and lovely she was and so I could trust her.

"Do you want to know what will happen once you stop caring about other people's opinions, Jasmine?" She'd said, referring to the hate from the fans. "You get to be yourself, Jasmine. But if you worry too much about what they all think, you'll be scared to even take one step to walk, afraid they'll criticise you on that aswell."

When she'd said that, all I wished was that she knew how hard it was for me to even be myself with people I knew, let alone people that just saw me on the internet. But there was nothing I could say because at the end of the day, I knew she was right. I had to stop worrying about other people and their opinions over me but it was just too hard. All I wanted was the approval of everyone; it was what I was living for right now.