Dare Trilogy | Book 3 Editing | ✓

2.14 | Stay +Self-Involved

Posted on June 03rd, 2017 | November 5th, 2018

| . . . C H A P T E R - 2.14.1 : S T A Y . . . |

Arnav had to have hundreds of questions in his mind. The way he had occasionally kept on glancing over during the car ride, I could tell he was concerned. Still, he wasn't asking it as if to give me my personal space or because he didn't want to force me to tell him. Either way, I appreciated his gesture.

I kept thinking back to the look on Armaan's face. His words echoed in my ears.

I always doubted he would react this way, but some naïve part of me over the years kept hoping it would be the opposite. I always had his love and support. I couldn't handle the reality of us standing across from each other. There was this huge invisible wall between us. Invisible, and yet so well-built that he wasn't willing to listen to my perspective. He had always been very understanding. On this, how could he not understand the reason behind the choice I made?

It wasn't an easy choice. It was an impossible one that I had to make. I was aware of the choice I had made. Of its consequences. Even if it had been an unborn child, it was still a child whose life I had ended before giving it a chance. Each day, I lived with that - knowing what I had done. All those moments that are meant to be the happiest and one of the precious ones for a female were tainted for me. I would never be able to equate to the true happiness one should get normally.

Arnav left my bag in the guest room. He stayed in the room, leaning against the wall as I walked to the bed and sat at the edge. "Do you, um, need anything?"

I shook my head in an answer, even though my brain screamed a different answer. I wanted... no, needed things to be back to normal between Armaan and me. I needed my life to return to one that of normal, where I didn't have to worry about getting a panic or anxiety attack in a public place, or always be careful to not accidentally run into someone. I needed for my nightmares to end – in and out of sleep.

None of that seemed to be close to becoming a reality.

He pushed himself off the wall, "Get some sleep then." He started to leave.

Like the night at the pool when I asked him to hug me, I felt the sudden urge to stop him. My chest rose as I gasped silently for air. I didn't want to be alone. "Arnav." He turned towards me, and I asked, "Will you stay?"

He didn't answer right away, simply continued to look at me as if at loss of a response.

I looked away, "Never mind. Forget I said that." I dismissed it, thinking he must be worried about what it would look like to Anjali when she'd see he hadn't returned to his room.

Saying the later seemed to have snapped him out of his daze. He walked towards the top of the bed and pulled the blanket back, asking me to get in bed instead of sitting on it. I slipped inside and once I'd laid down, he suggested, "I'll stay until you fall asleep. How does that sound?"

I nodded in response, taking up the offer. I wasn't sure I would be able to go to sleep, but it was worth a try if it meant he would stay. He leaned away to turn off the lights and sat at the edge of the bed with his back against the headrest of the bed frame. In the dark, I felt the mattress shift as he lifted his legs up, but staying on top of the blanket.

He continued to not ask any questions. It must have been close to death for him, holding himself back from asking the questions when he was obviously curious to know. I turned to my side, facing him. One of my hand was tucked in between my face and the pillow while the other lay flat on the bed. I tried to be as quiet as possible while the tears stained the pillow wet.