FALLING HEART

31

It had been a while since Aiinata left me here.In this empty room.

I had changed and now I sat gazing into the yellowish orange flames burning the wood in the  fireplace.It was getting cold out due to the heavy rainfall that had stopped a few minutes ago.Cold winds found their way inside from the open patio doors.

I got up and closed them.I didn't want the comfort of the stars tonight.Nor that moon which hung brightly in the cloudless sky taunting me of my incompetence.Sharing it's glory for the  bottomless pit of darkness that had made it's home inside my heart. I didn't need it today.Not anymore.

I came back and assumed my position of sitting before the fire.I pulled my knees up to my chest and folding my hands over it,lowered my head on them and contented myself by gazing into the fire that had successfully destroyed my dream,unknowingly.The flames devoured the whole wood pieces slowly and efficiently not leaving a single place alone.No resistance was offered by those wood logs.Only the cackling sound of burning filled the otherwise vacant and silent room.

How magnificent yet ferocious.

Was that how it happened..?

Everything destroyed in just a small span of time.Burned to the ground.All those plants and those..

"Zairi..?" A knock on the door and Ainata's voice stopped my thought process but I didn't turn to look at her.She didn't enter and I didn't offer her to come inside.

"Zairi. Granna wants to talk to you."She said still standing by the door afraid of my tumultuous emotions all over the place.I knew she didn't want to hurt me anymore than I already was.She was trying to be helpful.But right now I didn't want to talk to anyone. Didn't want to even see anyone.I didn't know what I would tell Granna. In the state I was,I was afraid to say the wrong thing and that was the last thing I wanted.She had successfully taken my Ma's role here and I held the same respect and love towards her that I held for my Ma. Granna won't ignore today's events.She would want to know the truth.A truth I was incapable of giving her.She will wage a war on her own kind because of me.

How can I do that to her? How can I snatch the only happiness in her life by being mean and selfish.?How can I be the reason that tears her apart from the people, who were a big part of her life?

"No,I don't want to talk to anyone right now.Please tell Granna.I want to be alone." I whispered the words knowing that Aiinata will hear them .

"I know that you are hurting right now but it will do you good to talk about it.Keeping it all bottled inside won't make it go away.From the moment you have been here you are doing that.You have to talk to Elder Kurona." She insisted.

I shook my head slightly."I cannot break her heart like mine is breaking,Aiinata.I won't let her go through that pain.She means much more to me."

"But Elder wants you to.."

"Aiinata I know she's worried about me but I need some time to myself.I am in no condition to talk about it again.I need some time to take it all in first.Please make her understand.It's already late.I promise I'll talk to her in the morning." I said not averting my face from the flames licking the fire wood.

I heard her sigh .She took the few steps towards me and bent to my level.Taking my face in her hands she kissed my forehead "You are not alone.I am always here for you.Never forget that."

I pressed my hand over her and conveyed my gratitude.

She left after that leaving me to my solitude.

My eyes were getting heavy.The fire had started dwindling so I added few more log pieces and laid down facing the fire.Not yet ready to let it get out of my sight.