FALLING HEART

46

I was just standing there in that red haze, not seeing anything , not hearing anything, not feeling anything.

I continued staring vacantly.

Nothing held meaning anymore.

Ma's gone.Forever.She won't ever come back.

What is the need to take this next breath..?

It would be better if I could just vanish here and now.Then there will be no more pain.

I'll be free.

I kept on wishing to vanish away in a world where I could be together with the one person who held meaning to my life.

 But when was I that fortunate..?

So I kept myself in this void.

The tears had stopped now but the blankness had taken over.

My body was throbbing from pain.My heart and soul were brimming full with despair.Even when the pain was intensifying I couldn't.., I didn't want to quench it anyhow.The pain reminded me of the heavy and the great loss I suffered.

I have that at least.

PAIN.My companion.

 It won't be leaving anywhere.It won't break any promises.

Like MA did.

Nothing made sense anymore.Why would she leave me when she knows how much I need her..?How could she..??

Didn't I ask her to stay..?Didn't I practically pleaded and begged her to not go..?Why then..?

Didn't Ma say she love me..?Why would she betray me like this then.?

NO.

It was past the time to ask my questions.There will never be any answers.

Haven't I learnt it yet.?

Disoriented I started walking in the red haze.Something compelled me and without choice I wandered deep in the mist.Not understanding anything  .

My legs carried me and I went with the motion.Having no idea where I was or where I was going..?

May be not really caring .

My progress was halted as someone touched and clutched my hands.It made me look down.I saw several hands and fingers  trying to grab my hand.I let them.A wry smile twisted my lips as they started burning slowly.The longer they held , the more ferociously they burned.It gave me a sense of satisfaction.A joy to see them burned to a crisp.

I turned my hand palm up .A strange red design /tattoo was going from my forefinger to my wrist and continuing upwards to my arms connecting to my neck.Strange.I checked my other hand.Nothing.It was plain.What is it..??

It started growing brighter as I touched it.More brighter as I traced the pattern to my wrist.

I snapped my head up.A tingling sensation passed through my body.My numbness eroded as a new wave of electricity buzzed my veins.My eyes looked at the lone figure standing there.

Some magnetism started pulling me towards him.I started taking those steps in urgency as if the figure will disappear.I needed to hurry.There was this urgent need in me to reach there.

Bright red eyes beckoned me closer and closer.And I moved.Like a moth moves towards the fire, even knowing it will be burned to death.

There was no fear in me.A safety cloak enveloped me as the distance between us shortened.A hand stretched out.The blurriness around the figure started to fade slowly.I could make out the legs and the hands.I hurried in my steps to take HIS hand.

Long silver hair flowed down his back and the red in those eyes shone brighter. Burned better.I squinted my eyes to see him better.His face remained in shadows and I didn't care about it.The only thing that I cared about was,His being here.

He is here for me

He stood there looking so alone.  

He was calling me.I have to go.He needs me.I kept my gaze on that hand which seemed closer than before.

I lifted my hand to take the outstretched limb.I was so close.