FALLING HEART

42

Everything felt off.

Nothing made sense.

It was finally the day I had been awaiting my whole life and now the excitement was missing.The happiness.

 The Alpha Initiation Ceremony.  

I pulled over the T-shirt I wore to take a shower.Placing my hands on the shower wall I let the  hot water scald my back.I didn't move from the simmering heat ,trying to gather all my scattered thoughts.I should be fucking happy.Things were finally going my way.After the shit of the last few months,everything was falling in place.Where they should be.So what the fuck was wrong with me..?

Why did I feet this need to cry out the grief I felt inside.?

This insane need to punish myself surfaced again and I let it.Let all the emotions of pain and anger blend together.Let them have their war inside.Let them shred me inside out.

I jerked as two thin hands snaked around my midriff,lightly touching my stomach and then moving upwards.Ravine.

It said much about my mental and emotional state as I couldn't even sense her presence until she touched me.

"I missed you so much." Her hoarse voice reached my ears.And I shut my eyes tight.It didn't feel right.

Her touch isn't the right one.My wolf screamed and this time I couldn't ignore it like the so many other times.Something did change.

She kissed my shoulder blades one by one and kept on showering my back with kisses.I flinched as her hand started it's downward movement.Not really caring if I hurt her.I pushed back from the shower wall and grabbed the towel to dry off.

"Aeran..Baby..??" Her confused tone didn't stop me.

 I exited the bathroom saying behind my back "Take your time."

"What..?  Aeran.." Her shriek of outrage pierced my ears.

Fuck.

I dried my body and went on to dress for the Ceremony.I heard her shuffling outside the bathroom.She huffed and plopped down on the bed in my towel.She's going to ruin the sheets.

I didn't give any indication that I had noticed her little show.

"Aeran..?Is something wrong..?Why are you behaving like this..?I have noticed this change in you since your talk with Granna. Have I done something wrong..?Did I offend her somehow..?Why are you behaving like this.?"

I stopped suddenly. 

"That's it. Isn't it..?She said something to you about me.That's why you are shutting me out." Her shrilly voice had now turned mellow. Granna had never taken a liking to her.It bothered her because Granna's opinion really mattered in my life.Ravine had never able to make her place in Granna's heart and it was not like she hadn't tried.I never saw Granna favoring her so how the fuck did that little witch capture Granna's whole heart in a matter of days..?

And what I knew now couldn't erase the past that I had successfully filled with so much hurt for her.She won't ever forgive me.I knew it in my heart.I saw it in her eyes that day.She had shut me out.The life in those blue eyes was lost.And I was the cause of it.The torch she carried for me had finally been blown away.

And that ripped me.

My temples started throbbing and I gracefully welcomed the pain which had become a constant.

"Fine don't talk to me.Keep on ignoring me." The catch in Ravine's voice jolted me from my own hell and I turned to her.

I maintained the distance between us.It is better this way."Everything that's happened lately is taking a toll on me.I don't want to hurt you Ravine.This Ceremony.I don't know if I am prepared for it.I really don't know if I am capable of handling such big responsibility."I rubbed my eyes as I reiterated only half truth.Telling lies to the girl who had been my companion and privy to every thought that had ever entered my head."I need time to sort this shit out in my head."

Ravine crossed the distance to me and cradled my head in her eyes "Oh baby..You'll be an amazing Alpha.I know it.Everyone knows it.Don't let this worry you.And you can take all the time you need.I am not going anywhere.I can wait." Kissing my forehead she made me feel the prick I was."Okay.Now go get ready fast and be your usual handsome charming self and make me proud." 

She winked at me as she sauntered over to the bathroom to put her clothes back on.I let my eyes linger on her.

Wishing someone else to be here to make this right.

Someone with black hair.Someone with eyes as blue as the sky.

I blinked realizing what I was doing.What I have been doing everyday.I brushed a hand through my hair in frustration making them more ruffled.

Fuck.I am losing my damn head.

I turned back to dressing myself.

A sudden commotion from outside had my ears perking.I walked out to the balcony to make out the noises.Ravine joined me there.Her body as alert as mine.

"What's all this noise..?"  Ravine didn't put her hand on me,standing a bit away from me.I expressed my gratitude in a small smile to her.

My eyes zoned onto the Great Hall where I saw a small group gathered.

Ravine pointed out to a figure running towards the group."Isn't that your father..?"

I couldn't wait any longer.I jumped out as I had done so many times and rushed forward to the Great Hall.