FALLING HEART

38

Zairi

I did what I was best at.

I blocked it all out.

Nothing could touch me in this safe place inside.

I got up from the chair and marched out the room as gracefully as I could,not heeding Sekra's call for me to come back.

I walked and walked into the forest crossing the boundary that had always stopped me earlier.There was no fear anymore.Nothing jarred me. I wouldn't let it.

I kept on wading in the woods.No longer caring.

My eyes didn't see anything.My ears didn't hear anything.My mind didn't think anything. My body didn't feel anything.But it was necessary I kept on walking. I didn't stop because if I stopped everything would come back and I won't be able to breath.

Nothing made sense and numb was not the right word to describe my state.

I ventured further.

Looking for any shelter that could hide from this world.Hide me from myself.

I walked until I couldn't anymore.Until the sky darkened.Until it was getting difficult to breath.

I collapsed against the big tree I stumbled upon.

And even then I didn't let any thought enter the blank paradise that I had created inside .

I kept the shields on.Making all my efforts to keep them from giving any leeway.Not allowing those wayward thoughts any entrance.

I took huge gulps of air and my guard lowered a bit.And just like that everything flooded inside back with such a rush that I felt dizzy for a moment.

As clearly as they could ,one by one they started accumulating and forming the horrid picture I was running from.Now the escape route was blocked by them.I didn't knew where to run anymore.So I stood there and stayed still.

A laugh erupted from inside and I started chuckling.Laughing crazily.

And I laughed and laughed and laughed.Because crying was never an option.I wasn't given that right.

Funny how my life was turning.Hilarious.I couldn't stop my chuckles.

Apparently my mate wasn't my mate.And my Ma wasn't my Ma.

Tomorrow for sure a huge secret would be revealed and I'll lose my identity. Even I won't be what I think I am.

And that last thought resulted in a cackle so loud that it was the only sound I could hear despite the night sounds of crickets and  animals.My giggles and chuckles didn't subside for a long time.I was losing my mind.I was going mad.

Now I'll be labelled as the Mad witch.

I chortled at this.

Amusing.That's what my life had reduced to.

I sighed as the amusement faded away and I was left with the brutal reality.

Now time to face it.

Nothing could have prepared me for the bomb that exploded my life. My body had thought it necessary to give me sometime off.Life crushed me time and again.But I hung on.I won't let go of that rope called Hope.I'll survive this.Time to cry and rage and curse was all over.Now it was imperative that I don't cower.Don't hide behind.

So I let them all enter and went over everything again.

Really thought about it.

Ma.Trina. Granna.