FALLING HEART

78

Aeran

The knock on the door jolted me from my obsessive staring at her.

Unlike me ,it didn't affect her as much.

Something had happened.I could feel it.

She still ignored me like always but there was a new emotion attached to that now.I didn't know what to make of it.She was here in front of me but it felt as if the distance between us had widened further,much more further than I could cross.She still didn't return my longing  but I caught her staring at me when she thought I wasn't looking, with that indescribable emotion on her face.I didn't detect any malice or hatred in that stare.Just a curiosity of sorts.An uneasiness.No matter of what kind,I still appreciated her attention on me.It still managed to appease the shrieking and angry wolf inside who howled for it's mate  every fucking second of every fucking hour of every fucking day.Not enough but still it was there.

Granna had successfully crushed my heart.I had come here in search of the only one who could mend it.But not finding her here, I had finally given to the soul crushing pain that kept on haunting me.Only when I was close to losing it all,did those arms wrap around me.They weren't the ones I was hoping for.

I didn't knew there could be any more intensity to the pain I was feeling.And yet more pain had engulfed me with that altercation with Ravine, who had come asking for something I was no longer capable of giving  her.Seeing her as broken as I felt.I had no one to blame but myself. I could understand her pain and even sympathize with her but there was nothing more left in me to give her . No matter how hard I wanted to console her and take away her pain.I couldn't do anything. Couldn't stop her from crying. Couldn't hold her hand when she needed that support. Couldn't assure her of the future we once envisioned. I wanted to sooth the pain she carried.Out of the love we shared once and for the bond of friendship that had engulfed us both all our life,right from the time I opened my eyes to this world.But I couldn't. Not anymore.She wasn't the one my heart cried for and my soul begged for.I was never as ashamed of myself as I felt then.My actions had led us into this motherfucking mess.And now, I was depending on this girl who seemed so weak yet offered all her strength to this asshole me who had successfully battered all her dreams and hope.

I understood it now.We tried to change something that couldn't have been changed .We..No..I tried to battle with the Fate that Moon Goddess had determined for me.I did it all and now I was paying the price.Moon Goddess was justified in punishing me.I had no qualms about the pain that I was suffering from.

The only prayer that I wished for, from the bottom of my guilty soul ,to be answered was to prevent this hurt from engulfing the ones near me.

For Granna. For Ravine.To be spared.

I'll take it all but please don't let them drown in this agony that was meant for me ,and me only. I had cried chanting this small prayer again and again.

Even though I wanted to curl my arms around her.I couldn't. It was time she understood too.She had to. Because there really was no other option left.Life had fucked us over.And there was no one to be blamed.The enormity of the  fate we thought we could control ,was laughing at our efforts.We couldn't hide ourselves from it anymore.

She had left then ,finally acknowledging the truth.I didn't follow.

I let her go.Let go of the love that had helped me be the person I was today.Let go of the position she occupied in my heart.Let go of all those foolish dreams we had dreamed .Let go of all those times when we were together.Let go of her.Her smiles,her essence,her hopes,her dreams,her love.

I let it all go.

And I felt unburdened.The heavy weight pushing me down was finally lifted.Ravine would always be a precious and special person in my life.The one who taught me how to love.Who paved the way for the love that was meant for me. I couldn't be more grateful and thankful to her.I'll never forget the time I spent with her.All those memories would be a part of me forever,locked in a part of my heart, for me to visit in future when I look back at all the good things that fate had bestowed me.And Ravine will  be my most valuable gift from life.

That's where she will remain.Always.

That was the extent of my thanks and devotion to the time and love , she honored me with  .No more ,I could give her.

This life now had someone else's name written on it.

The knock sounded again diverting my attention from the person with that "name" .I got up to answer.

Aiinata stood there with a large packet in her hands.She smiled at me and cradled my cheek affectionately before venturing inside,handing me a packet of clothes.

Spotting Zairiya near the fireplace ,she went to her and crouched down to her level and touched her arm.The stone figure turned her face to Aiinata.

"Zairiya,Elder Kurona wanted to give it to you herself but she knew that you wouldn't accept it from her hand.So she send me in her place.Please accept it." She sighed when she got no response.

Looking back at me, Aiinata pointed to the packet ."The packet with Aeran contains your dress for tomorrow along with the brooch that you have to wear.Elder Kurona  would be very much pleased and happy if you will accept this small present from her. "

Squeezing her hand once ,Aiinata got up and left as soon as she came.I shut the door and went to sit beside her.She flinched but didn't move away.

I itched to touch her and thus pulled her hand up to hand the packet to her.Our hands touched.I didn't let her pull away and grasped that small hand in mine,desperately aching for her warmth.She looked at me wide eyed but said nothing else.

"Please wear it for her." I begged.Her eyes averted from mine.

That wasn't what surprised me.It was the small nod that made me smile like a fucking lunatic.She took the small baggage and kept it on her other side.Her eyes returning to the flames.I settled more comfortably alongside her.My heart started beating faster, fearing something will disturb this small moment ,this small peace offering she was giving me. I didn't let go of her hand,trying to remain connected to her in any way.

We sat there lost in our thoughts.Our bodies touching.Her hand in  mine.In silence, watching the flames.

And that silence filled me up like nothing else. Why, you ask..?

Because she shared it with me.