(JIKOOK) Texting Story Snippets

Fire

They're all children. All of them. Arguing like there's something to gain from it is so childish, because arguments don't solve problems, rational discussions do. But nobody has any time for rational thinking when alcohol settles in their bellies and tricks their senses into thinking that what is wrong is right and what is bad is perfect. Idiots. All of them. Seokjin feels like a fly on the wall, scared to move, scared to draw attention to himself even as his name tosses between the mouths of his friends. His mind is running and there is fire in his stomach, but his limbs are motionless. Stop talking. He wishes that he could scream, but his tongue feels too big in his mouth. He's holding his breath, gasping for lost air when his lungs feel the lack of oxygen and force him to breathe again. Stop talking about me. Stop talking.

"Namjoon didn't answer his truth. We didn't vote." Yoongi mumbles, his voice a bit distraught. He's feeling guilty, but he's not the kind to say that he's sorry. Instead, he's making the mood plummet further into a deepening pit of unsurfaced negativity that's spreading as fast as a raging wild fire, their deepest secrets destroying everything in their path.

"Just shut up." Jimin groans. "Screw the rules."

"Rules are important." Yoongi counters. He keeps his head low, his voice lower. "I think he did use Jin hyung, and we should vote on it. He should take his shot, because he lied."

"Fuck you." Namjoon retorts, but his curses don't sound angry. They sound defeated, suffocated under a blanket of accusations and a bitter realization that nobody is on his side anymore. "I didn't use him." His words are betrayed by the tone of his own voice and they spill out from his lips with the sound of his own disbelief. Maybe he did use his best friend without meaning to. Yeah, maybe he did that. Maybe he did break Seokjin in every way that a person can break, and it just might be what severs their ties for good. Is he too selfish to realize that Seokjin might not have the strength to come back to him, to be his friend? Namjoon lays his eyes on the man he knows his heart aches for and he finds confirmation like a fist to his gut. Seokjin is silently weeping, a sight so unnatural Namjoon doesn't believe his eyes until he lets it register for a moment. To cry alone, even while surrounded by the ones closest to your heart, is a testimony to how alone you must really be. His anger surfaces and he ignores the others quiet forms of protest for moving on with the game, his eyes focused on only one. "Jin, Truth or Dare?"

Seokjin's heart drops into his stomach when he feels eyes upon him. There's no chance for him now to swipe away his own fallen tears, the regretful showcase of how desperate his emotions have become. He's not desperate for their pity, but wants to push it away instead. Everything feels fake, everyone feels full to the brim with fake sympathy now, their heated words already having burned him as he sat by himself buried by his inner turmoil. Seokjin hears Taehyung whine, the pitiful sound reverberating around his brain before a hand touches his shoulder. Jungkook presses his cheek into the covered skin of his upper arm in what he knows is an attempt of comfort without spoken words, but it hurts him more than it soothes. Seokjin's tears fall even when he tries to sniff them back and his voice is strained when he utters his answer. It's easy to stop caring about the outcome of his decisions when he knows that even if he does, everything can burn down into grey ash faster than a sharp tongue can yell fire. "Truth." He chokes, only more disappointed in himself for the crack of his voice.

Witnessing his friends physical state, Namjoon reconsiders his question, wondering if Seokjin is too fragile to answer it or not. Seokjin is strong and well worded, open minded and full of pride for himself and for those that mean everything to him. He's always ready to help, to fight for everybody else, for their happiness and for what he knows is what's right. But now, as he appears before them in a state of broken emotions, he's frail. The light he shines on them daily is dim. Seokjin's hope spills from his eyes, drowning in pieces with every teardrop that leaves its trail on his flushed complexion. "Is it true that you think I used you, hyung?" Namjoon whispers. He feels regret for asking immediately. He feels regret for making his best friend hurt like this.

Seokjin doesn't answer for a long time, but they wait for him in silence. Their silence is louder than their arguments, its deafening. He absorbs the question carefully, agonizing on the details of Namjoon's expression when he glances up to take notice of it. It's twisted in guilty pain, but the pain in Namjoon's features mirrors the sinking feeling in his own chest. "No." Seokjin finally mutters, believing his answer even if his friends won't, because he knows that that is his truth. He doesn't think that Namjoon used him at all, but that's not comforting. It's the opposite, actually. To know that they could be sharing their souls, but that they won't, because Namjoon is choosing not to, that hurts more than being used could ever. "You didn't use me, you made a mistake."

"He made a mistake by sleeping with you?" Yoongi interrogates further, stepping over the line drawn, again, between calling out a friend for their mistaken words and simply being an asshole.

"It was a mistake." Seokjin doesn't fight against Yoongi's disbelief of his statement. He only states it again. "We've both just fallen victim to the feelings that our mistake granted us with. That's all. We have a different trust in our future together and we won't change each other's minds."

"I can't change my mind. Especially when you're crying because of me, hyung." Namjoon's forehead creases between his eyes, deep wrinkles forming with concern.

Seokjin nods, lips lifting with a disheartened smile. "Exactly. That's what you think of my tears and I can't change that about you, so I have to accept it. I'm accepting it, so when I tell you not to worry, I mean it. I can take these feelings on my own so that you don't have to, because even if you want to help me you can't. Nobody can help me stop feeling like we're losing what we could be. I know you don't see it," He pauses to steady his quivering voice, broken with his spoken thoughts. "But I do. I see everything that's perfect about you, all the tiny things about you that make up who you are and those are the pieces of you that I love the most. Even now, even if I confirm that you are the reason that I'm hurt, I love you. You didn't use me. You gave into what your heart knows feels right, but your mind can only see it as another one of your mistakes. Namjoon, you can't love me because you don't love yourself enough. I can't change that for you. Only you can make that change."

-///-

A/N: I cried while writing this.. I don't even know why, I think I connected too deep. Aish..

Please hang on guys, the drama will subside eventually, but there is more to come. We haven't finished the game yet. The game.. </3