(JIKOOK) Texting Story Snippets

Letter

Wrapped up snug in a plain white envelope are the words in his head, the ones that steal all of the light from his heart. His honesty.

Jimin seals them away with a swipe of his tongue, gluing them shut inside their unmarked envelope until they're opened by the only hands they're meant for. It doesn't feel refreshing to scribble his thoughts down on paper, quite the opposite really. The words he's written needed to be said. His worst nightmare already began, and this letter might be the only thing he will complete before it's really over. It's already over. It was over when he remembered.

Jimin tried to fix his friends. He tried to pull them all together before everything falls apart. They should have each other, at least. He only ended up causing them more pain, more suffering. Nobody is fixed by his hand. Jimin knows he failed. He failed everything. Now it's time to come clean.

His friends, they don't know anything. Unless Jungkook chooses to share, they won't ever know what happened and why. That's cruel, but it's his own fault that everything happened this way. He'll live with that guilt by himself.

Jimin hopes that they are sleeping. It will make it easier, for him. He hopes that they don't wake up for a long time.

He slides the sealed letter into the front pocket of his backpack and tosses his only luggage over his shoulder. Running is just an escape, a way out for a man that can't face what he's done. He knows that. He knows that all to well.

He needs to get the envelope to its owners hands. Then, he's going to run until his lungs can't tell him to stop anymore.

-

Dear Jungkook,

I'm going to tell you the truth. About everything. I can't say all of this to you in person, if you even wanted to see me again, so I'm writing it out for you instead. You should know the truth.

It hurt, Jungkook. It hurt. What else can I tell you about what happened? When I became aware of him, his hands on me, his body INSIDE of me, it fucking hurt. Everything just hurt. My body ached, my heart broke because it wasn't YOU.

You make me better. You're my healing potion. When you hold me, I'm okay. I'm happy. I can laugh and smile and forget about the fact that I'm so fucking miserable inside. Because every second of every single day when you're not with me I'm reminded of him now. His hands, his- his body and the things that he did. The places he touched. The feeling of his fingers tugging my hair and how he made me say that I LIKED it. You want to hear this? You don't, but you're so angry at me because I didn't tell you. I know why you left. It's too much. This, as I am now, it's garbage. It's ruined. I know it and you can't say it's not true. You can't tell me that it didn't overwhelm you to think of him on top of me. You can't say that you can make it better now. He took it all away, just like he wanted to and I let him. I didn't tell you because I needed to see you looking at me the way you always have, like I'm clean. Like I'm YOURS. Like I've never been touched before, never by any hands other than your own. Now I'm used and dirty and it's MY fault. I couldn't push him away. I couldn't tell him to stop. I LET him do it, because fighting was scary. I was afraid that he would do something else if I didn't let him have his way. I was afraid that he would.. find a way to make you suffer. So I took it.

I knew then, when he was on top of me, that it was the end. I can't.. I can't look at you if you KNOW what he did, where he was, everywhere he touched me. I can't let you see me again. I can't let it hurt you more than it hurts you just to know about it.

So be angry at me for lying to you. I want that. You need to be mad, because it's a better negative than imagining what it might've looked like in action. You want to think about it, but it enrages you. You want to kill him, but you can't. Jungkook, everything is for YOU. Every thought I have and every decision that I make it's all for YOU. This one is for you, too.

I'm leaving. I can't see the look on your face when you read this. I can't take any more of your time away when this is exactly how we are ending. I know it is. And you might say that I'm wrong, that you won't look at me any differently than you always have. But you're the one who's wrong, because I already saw you change right in front of me. You already showed me what I am now, and you concreted it in with every step that you took away from me last night.

I love you, and I'm going to love you for the rest of my life. This isn't a letter full of my excuses. I'm not blaming you for a damn thing, baby. It's my fault, everything is. I let this break us, because I let it happen. I didn't tell you. I never wanted to. I still wish I didn't. I still wish you could hold me. I still wish I could see your eyes on me, the ones so full of pure, clean, beautiful love. I wish I deserved you. But, I don't. I never have, and please understand that for me Jungkook. My best was never good enough for you. My best always made you suffer. I hurt you, used you, lied to you, ignored YOUR best. I took from you, your words and your love and I gave you nothing but pain and the self pity of a low life nothing that fooled himself into thinking he could accept your kindness one day. But I can't, because I don't deserve it.

I'm tired of being afraid of every waking moment that I don't see you, because I know that one day you'll come to realize how much time you've wasted on me. One day you're going to understand these words and you'll regret me. Baby, this is only another testimony to how selfish a person I really am. I'm too scared to face you, to see the aftermath of this. I don't want to see the way you'd look at me now.

You deserve a goodbye, at least. You deserve these words spoken instead of written to you. You deserve it, but I'm not capable of those things. I'm not capable. Jungkook, I can't give you what you deserve.

I'm not going to see you again, and you're not going to see me. The truth is all written here, it's out. It's over. It's over baby, and please don't think about the memories we made. They're all tainted, by this. I tainted them. I tainted them all from the beginning.

I'll find a way to live like this. Don't waste time on me, not to worry or wonder how I'm doing. I'm living. I'm just gone.

Jungkook. Baby. Bunny. Thank you. You protected me. Your only mistake was ever doing so, but that is my fault, too. I'm weak and too stupid to care well for myself. It's not because of you, not this, not anything. It was never your job to take care of me and for everything I'm taking the blame with me. So let it all go. Let me go.

I love you. I love you so much, Jungkook. But, please.. Forget about that. Forget about everything. Forget about me.

-///-

A/N: I'm breaking my own heart, sobbing as I wrote this..