Hideaway [h.s]

125

I look over the railing of the balcony, watching the trees sway on this windy day. My chin is supported my by fist that is propped from my elbow on the railing. My cheeks are cold from the tears soaking them. I wasn't balling, but I couldn't help let a few tears slip out.

"Please don't cry." I hear the quiet raspy voice echo from behind me.

I didn't even know he was out here, I didn't hear him open the door.

I am quick to wipe my tears as my back stays to him. I don't want him to see me cry right now, I don't want to show defeat. I sniffle a bit and wipe under my eyes with the back of my wrist, hoping he doesn't see me.

"Just leave me be Harry, you've done enough." I mumble sternly.

"I'm sorry for taking my anger out on you like that. You know I would never want to hurt you.." He says over the sounds of the whistling wind shaking gliding through the trees.

"But you do." I whisper just enough for him to hear behind me with my monotone voice.

"And I hate myself for it." He mumbles.

"Why do you hurt me Harry?" I turn around to face him, seeing that he's a few steps away.

"I love you so much baby, but sometimes I can't control my actions- you know this." He says while stepping closer.

"So do I have to be afraid every time we get into a small argument?" I cross my arms, feeling so drained just looking at him and everything he's caused me to feel today.

"No- please I'm gonna work on it." His eyes look at me in sincerity.

"How Harry? You can't." I shake my head in disbelief.

"I don't know yet but I'll figure it out. I don't want you to be scared of me." He steps closer and grabs my hips softly. I step away, not wanting to be touched by him right now.

"I'm not going to hurt you.." He responds to my distancing reaction.

"Just don't touch me please." I whisper, knowing he hates it when I say that.

"Okay." He murmurs under his breath, knowing what he has done to make me feel this way.

"Sometimes Harry, I feel like it's one step forward, two steps back with us. We were perfect, our relationship has never been better. But then something like this happens and it sets us back so far. An argument between us always has to go to such violent extents." I keep my arms crossed, fighting anymore tears I have.

"Baby I know we are different, and you deserve someone who doesn't get as angry at you as me. But you know I love you, and I will do anything not to let this happen again. I should never have put my hands on you- and I want you to know that I'll do whatever I can to change." He explains, keeping his distance this time.

I look at his broken features, staring into his green eyes that were surrounded by his healing purple bruises. His face was quiet, his hair flying all over the place in the wind. He looked like he was relying on my response with everything- so unaware of what I was going to say.

"I know you didn't mean to. It's okay." I whisper under my breath- giving into his apology like always.

Is it really okay? No.