Oh, Calamity! » a.k

thirty nine

The next morning I wake up in Awsten's arms and smile immediately.
I'm falling in love with him so quickly and it's scary but if it feel like this I'm willing to be scared for as long as I need to be.
I really want to tell him how much I care about him, I crave letting him know how much he means to me.
Not saying those three words is eating me alive, but helping it devour my heart is the fear of being rejected.
He may feel it's too early and will get freaked out.

I push the thoughts to the back of my mind, wanting to enjoy this moment.

He looks so peaceful.
But I know when he wakes up the face I've come to love will fill with millions of emotions.

He's the perfect guy.
Romantic, funny, spontaneous, adventurous, caring, generous, protective, and strong.
But looking at what he wants you to see drowns out what's really going on.
I know he's happy, it's not hard to see.
But beneath it all he's wounded and scared.
You can tell my the way his eyes dart around the room. You can tell by the way he can never keep still. Even if he's sitting down his leg or foot is shaking up and down.
But the easiest to see is by the way he talks.

He's wise.
That's the biggest giveaway.
People who have been hurt or who still are hurt are the wisest.
You can hear it in his song lyrics and you can hear in the way he words things.

Sure, everyone has issues.
Nobody has a perfect life.
And you may be thinking that I'm being over dramatic, and maybe that's true.
But I'm always going to over analyze things and be worried because I love Awsten.
And I think I'm too deep to stop.
I don't want to.

As my feet hit the floor he makes a small noise and moves, causing me to put more blankets on him.

I walk into the kitchen area and see Alex and Jack making coffee.

"Make me a cup?", i ask.

Alex nods and says, "How'd you sleep?"

"Great. How about you guys?"

"Pretty good.", they both say.

"That's good."

They nod.

"Where are Rian and Zach?", i ask.

"Getting breakfast and I think they're going to the store or something. I don't know, I kinda blocked them out to be honest.", Jack says and I chuckle at him.

"What's everyone doing today? It's our first off day in a while."

"Not sure. But I kinda want to go out, yanno?", Alex says.

I nod, "Yeah, me too. But I don't know what to do and I don't want to go shopping because my bank account matters."

"Doesn't PTV come in today? We should hang out with them and go out to eat or something.", Jack says.

I perk up, "Yes! I completely forgot that they were gonna be here today. Do you think Mike will come?"

"I don't know, I have no idea what's been going on with the charges or anything.", Alex says.

"Me either. I feel so bad for him though. I hope he's alright.", i say.
Mike was accused with sexual relations with a minor a while back when everyone was coming forward about their sexual assault stories and the band took a break from touring and stuff.
Nobody knows if she was telling the truth or not and Mike kind of vanished.

The two nod and hand me a cup of coffee.
We sit down at the table, Jack and Alex across from me.

"How are you and Awsten?", Jack asks.

"We're really good. Can I tell you guys something?"

"Of course."

"I think I'm falling in love with him. But is that even possible? It's only been a month.", I admit.