I'm (Not) Fine

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It's amazing to think that I'm living with the Avengers. To be honest, I'm quite confused. Isn't Captain America and his team from civil war all wanted by the government? This is very strange. Hm, Strange. I wonder what he's like in person. He seems like kind of a jerk in the movie, but I want to know him in person. That would totally be cool. Granted, I don't really like wizards, but I think he can be an exception since he is part of the Avengers. But really, wow! I'm living with the Avengers. 

Someone knocks on the door to my hospital room, snapping me out of my weird daze.

"Come in!" I shout. God, I need to stop doing that. My voice hurts from yelling. Makes my throat tingle. [Not Like That You Sinful Children]

The doors open and my stupid friends walk in wearing matching shirts that read, "If Steve could get past being frozen for 70 years, then you can get past your stupid gallbladder surgery or whatever." I laugh and shake my head. 

"That's both offensive and hilarious!" I giggle. The movement is totally painful, but if it makes them believe that I'm fine, then it's worth it. "Did you make those?" 

"No," Jami chuckles. "We actually found them in a store near here, so we thought, 'Hey! This is funny! Let's show {Y/N}!' and then we did."

"You found it in the shop in the lobby, didn't you?" I accuse, crossing my arms. Paaaain. I wince and completely fail at covering it up. "Oh... My funny... bone. That, that hurt. Yep. Ow."

"Are you actually okay?" Peter asks taking a step toward me. 

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine," I lie. "Everything's fine. I'm fine. You're fine. Jami's decent. But I look fine and you look fine, so that's all that matters."

"You're totally lying," Jami states. 

"Yeah," I agree. "It's just... Gerald..." I sigh and try to think of the right words. "It was like taking a test. But instead of my grade going lower for every question I got wrong, it was my health. He had this... slave, I guess, named Doll. He was so young. About nine or ten years old. Doll had powers, much like Wanda's, but it was white, not red. He would go into my mind and show me... terrible situations. It would usually have the two of you, but not always. Anyway, there was this one time where I saw the both of you sitting on a couch. I could just see how much you loved each other, but it hurt for some reason. So I turned away, but Peter came and told me it was just a joke and that he only loved me. He, he started to kiss me... But then the spell wore off and instead of Peter it was... Gerald. So I was forced to watch him torture this starving child. It was awful. But then... Peter? Have you ever killed someone?"

"What? No," he answers. 

"Jami?" I ask.

"Nope," she says, trying to stay her bubbly, optimistic self.

"Me?" I frown. "Yes. Tony didn't kill Gerald when he blasted through the roof... No. You see, Doll had used his powers to free me and when I told him to come with me, he said that he couldn't leave his family. He smiled! This broken Doll smiled. He loved his family so much, that he would rather be tortured than leave them. And him being in that situation totally pissed me off, so I took a knife that Gerald so conveniently held and plunged the damn thing into his heart. But when I saw the light fade from his eyes, I-I just... I couldn't look anymore. I couldn't believe what I had done. And then I saw the roof blasted and kill Doll and my mind left. I couldn't tell reality from mind tricks. Do you know how it feels? How you never know if you're actually seeing the person you love? Even now, days later, I'm still not completely sure sometimes." They just stare, unable to say anything comforting. I look away, not wanting to cry.

"So no," I whisper, barely containing the waterworks. "I'm not fine."

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