New Beginnings (JensenXReader)

The Recovery Road Has A Few Bumps

You would think after saying 'I'm fine' for every answer to every question for the past three weeks would tell people to leave you alone, but it hasn't worked. Flowers after flowers are sent to your house everyday. The fan mail is piling up and the sympathy cards haven't stopped coming.

And yet, the pain hasn't been lifted.

Your baby wasn't coming back and you couldn't do anything.

And you could've. You should've. It was your duty as a mother to protect your child, and yet you failed that position. The highest duty of all.

You hadn't felt him kick in a while. You could have called the doctor. Went to the ER. Done something, anything. Yet you didn't. It was your fault and you weren't ever going to let yourself forget it. You took away a life. You took away your child, Jensen's child. "How could he ever forgive you? How could he even look at you? How could he love y- "

You were snapped out of your thoughts by a knock on your door. You hadn't left your son's room ever since Jensen and Matt brought you home from the hospital. You've only showered a bit, ate practically nothing, and just sit in silence. You wanted to torture yourself. You wanted to put yourself through the pain because you felt you deserved it. The first night, Matt and Jensen had to drag you out of the room, together, because they didn't want you in there.

~Flashback~

Once you got home from the hospital, JJ ran straight up to you, but you ignored her. She hugged your legs yet you gently pushed her off, not even glancing at your little girl. You figured that if you couldn't become a new mother again, why be a mother at all. "JJ deserves so much better than you." Is what ran through your head as you walked slowly up to your deceased son's room. Once you opened the door, you began to destroy it all.

"STUPID! STUPID! STUPID LIFE! STUPID BODY! STUPID GOD!" You threw anything you could get your hands on. Photo's shattered, toys ripped apart, stuffing lay scattered across the room, and clothing was thrown and dispersed everywhere. It looked like a tornado had hit the room.

Just as you were pulling on the crib to begin to break it, Jensen and Matt had broke into the room after you locked the door. Jensen wrapped his arms tightly around your waist, beginning to pull you away. "NO! S- STOP!" You stuttered through the sobs. "(Y/n), baby, please let go. Let's get some sleep, please." Jensen had almost pulled you out of the room, through all your screams and your body squirming. But at the last second, you slipped from his arms and went to kick the crib. You had successfully heard a crack and kicked it again.

"Woah! (Y/n)! Calm down! This isn't good for your body right now. Okay, get some sleep, sis. Please." Matt asked, placing his hand on your shoulder but you flicked him off and continued breaking the crib. What you didn't know was that Matt and Jensen were silently planning on taking you out of the room together, and so they did. Matt wrapped his arms around your shoulders and arms, keeping your upper body in place. Jensen then grabbed your legs and kept them still while you squirmed and tried to get lose. "NO! PLEASE! NO- S- STOP! Jay, let me go!" You looked straight ahead into Jensen's eyes.

He was hurting too. He was missing his son and he was filled with so much guilt because of how you were feeling. You tried your best puppy eyes to get him to get you go but he blinked the tears from his eyes and continued down the hall. So, you continued to squirm as Matt and Jensen brought you to your bedroom. You were laid down and Jensen wrapped your shaking body into his arms. Jensen nodded at Matt that it was okay to go, that he had this.

"Shh, just relax. I- I know it's difficult. Just please, stop crying. I hate seeing you like this. We will get through this." Jensen whispered to you but you didn't believe a word, only nodding for his satisfaction. You wanted back in that room and the only was going to be if you faked sleeping and snuck out of the room. Without replying back to Jensen, you began to slowly close your eyes and you felt your body being lowered onto a pillow. "That's it baby girl. Just breathe. Relax, because I've got you. Always and forever." Jensen gave your cheek a kiss before sliding his arm around your waist and pulling your back to his chest. His face nuzzled into your neck and you felt your shirt become wet. You thought it was sweat at first but them you realized that Jensen was crying. He was tightening his grip on you as he silently sobbed. You wanted to comfort him but you knew you didn't deserve him anymore. He was too good for you.