How Do I Love You? (Connor x Reader Detroit: Become Human Fanfic)

Chapter 88

Connor's POV

I felt so awful. I had never known she wanted a child. She's never said anything and...though I thought it would be impossible from the start...now, knowing it truly was impossible for us to have a child....it....it really did hurt. This is all my fault. Maybe...it would've just been better if we'd never fallen in love. I mean, I'm happy but...she isn't. It's all because of me.... I felt so horrible about myself. I was the reason she'd become a cyborg. I was the reason all of this was happening. It was my choices that lead us here. I changed the world along with the others...did I change it for the better or for the worse? I couldn't be sure anymore. Maybe...Amanda was right. Maybe I was supposed to stay a machine for a good reason. It would've just been better, wouldn't it? No pain...no sadness...no regrets....but...no love. What have I gotten myself into?

"You keep thinking like that, you're gonna feel even worse pal." I looked up and spotted Ash there.

"How did you-?"

"I can see it in your eyes. Believe me, I've been there. Doubting everything? Trust me when I say it's poison." He said.

"Ash...I don't know what to do." I said. He sighed.

"Come on, man. Let's go for a walk." He said. I got up and followed him. We walked a slower pace as we left the house. "So, what exactly are you thinking about right now?"

"I...I just feel like all of this is because of me. (Y/n) would've never become a cyborg, she would've been able to have a family with somebody, I wouldn't be feeling like this, everything would've been better if...if I hadn't become deviant." I said.

"Connor, do you want to be destroyed?" Ash asked.

"What? No!" I said.

"Then you made the right choice! Cyberlife would've shut you down anyway!" He said.

"But...I wouldn't have cared if I'd never become deviant." I said.

"So what are you saying? That back then it didn't matter, but now it does?" He asked.

"I...I guess? Ugh! I don't know!" I said, frustrated. "Even if I had still cared, I should've known it would've been better for everyone else." 

"Better how!?" Ash asked in disbelief.

"If (Y/n) would've never fallen in love with me none of this would be happening! I wouldn't be here, she wouldn't be upset about anything, she could still have a family...." I said.

"Connor, do you get it yet?" 

"Get what?" I asked.

"Look around you! If you hadn't become deviant androids would still be slaves, my sister would've never found the right guy, you'd be dead, Markus would be dead, North and Josh would be dead, and my father would be in jail!" Ash said. I was stunned. "Look around, Connor. How lucky are we to be alive right now?" I looked at the world around me. I saw androids and humans alike getting along and families having fun. I heard the birds singing and saw other animals going around, content with just living their lives. I frowned again.

"But...(Y/n)'s still not...happy." I said.

"That's where you're wrong." Ash said. I looked at him. "She loves you Connor and no matter what she's always going to love you. Stop regretting what you cant change and make the most of what you have!" He pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to me. I was shocked. "My sister would've died for you on that boat. She would've let you shoot her, Connor. She threw herself in front of a bullet for you. She did that twice actually. The first one just hit her shoulder. She fought not just to save all androids but to save you as well. She went after you at the Cyberlife Tower which was basically a suicide act! After everything you've been through....it's time you decide, Connor." He left and I was left standing there, not knowing what to do with the information I had just received. "How lucky are we to be alive right now?" I remembered his words. Am I lucky? I wondered. I smiled. Yes. I am. I have the most beautiful girl in the world, I'm free, I have a family I get to be a part of, I have the most amazing pets, I have great friends, and they would do anything for me. I want to show her that I'll do the same. I will do anything for you, my love.