Winter's Widow

Chapter 28

listen, im writing this at 1 30-3 30 in the morning and all i have to say is... shit im hungry. i cant focus, and i don't wanna go back to sleep. thats my excuse for this chapter being a bit sloppy. i had a pretty bad nightmare last night that kind of inspired this chapter, and i really dont wanna go back to that so wish me luck ladys and gents XD

i need coffee

- anonymous00022, Friday, August the 3rd at 1:34 am 2018.

Natasha's pov:

I wake up almost screaming. The only reason I didn't was because the scream was caught in my throat. My heart is trying to pound out of my chest. This is one of the reasons I wear cuffs at night; so that when I wake up from a nightmare, I don't accidentally lose it and attack someone. Nobody who comes out of the red room like I did is mentally stable. I take a moment to set my head straight. I need a second to address what just happened. I was dreaming about the red room again. I need to recognize what parts of that dream were fake, and which ones were real. Sometimes, my dreams have little fragments of memories in them. Sometimes, they aren't dreams. They're living nightmares that I have to relive over and over and over again. That's what's so scary about them. Some people wake from a nightmare and then never have the same dream ever again. That's not quite the case for me. They never stop, and they always come back. The nightmare never ends, and knowing that some of them are real only makes it scarier.

I don't think that this one was real. At least I hope not.] This one was unlikely, but not impossible, considering that I've had to fight an army of robots and my work partners godly little brother. I wont go way into detail about what happened. I don't want to think about it anymore.

They all died. All of them. I had one foot in the grave, clinging to life by a string. Earth would be no more soon. We failed. Everyone I had ever loved died because we failed. I helped with that failure. It's partly my fault. I really want a hug, but is it worth showing how weak I am to get one? Am I willing to let them think I'm a coward just for a quick hug? No. No it's not. Why did Bucky have to break that wall? I can repair it fairly quickly but, it still sucks to have to fix it. Now I miss his hugs? What is this bullshit. I'm the Black Widow. The Black Widow doesn't need hugs. I don't need emotional support or help. I'd rather destroy myself again than break down in front of him again, because that was shameful. It wont happen again.

Tears roll down my cheeks as I break down, still handcuffed to the bed. Maybe I should go for a walk. Steve wasn't too pleased about me sneaking out at night with Clint for alcohol, but this time it's not for alcohol. Surely he'll understand. Besides, he doesn't have to know. I unlock the cuffs and slip them into the drawer. I throw on the same outfit I wore when I went out with Clint last night. Black leather jacket, Gray t with the hourglass, gray skinny jeans, and my black combat boots. I also grab the red switchblade again, for extra protection. I will be sneaking around in the dark again after all.

I quietly exit the room, sure not to wake anyone. I turn to the living room and who do I see sitting on the couch in the dark? Take a wild guess. The man who loves to show up at the most inconvenient times. It's dumb luck that he's faced the other direction. I don't think that he's all there at the moment. I quietly stroll past to the stairs for a walk, hoping he didn't notice me. When I reach the stairs, I turn around to see him staring at me through goggles. He hasn't moved from his spot. The only thing he moved was his head. I think he's probably tired of trying to stop me from escaping at night. This isn't new to him. He just looks like he's so done with my shit right now. through the goggles and mask. He's staring straight through me. It's kind of disturbing. I nonchalantly start walking down the steps, still quietly, but not slowly. I just hope he doesn't go after me. I need this walk. I have a lot to get off my mind right now. As I take another step, I feel a hand on my shoulder and stop. I wonder who it could be. I take a deep breath and turn around to face the soldier head on. He's wearing his Winter Soldier suit. Must be in assassin mode. I stare at him through the goggles. After a silent moment, I turn around and continue on my way down the stairs. I can hear his heavy steps. I start walking faster. He grabs my arm with his metal hand. I turn to stare at him again.

"Let me go." I break the silence.

He has no response. I can he wants to respond though. Bucky Barnes is trying to say something. He wants to speak, but the soldier wont let him. They're fighting again.

"No." He manages to reply.

"Is it a crime to take a walk?" I ask sarcastically.

"...It's not safe." He has a simple response again.

"I can handle myself, Barnes." I hiss.

I pull out my switchblade and draw the blade so I can show him.

"See? I'll be fine. Just let me go." I say as I stash it away back in my pocket.

He doesn't respond this time.

He squeezes my arm a little tighter. I pull my arm away a little, but he pulls it back. He wants me to come back up with him. I don't want to. I tug away from him, and again, he pulls me back growling. He pulls me back closer this time. He's not gonna let me go this time. I take a step in his direction, staring at the floor. Submission. He wins this round. He slides his hand down to my hand and intertwines our fingers. He drags me back up to the living room and leads me to one of the couches. He sits on the couch and I sit next to him. I lean my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arm around me. I close my eyes and take in the moment.

P.S.

this chapter only took two hours because im really tired and cant focus. its not normally this long to write one chapter.