Winter's Widow

Chapter 61

Natasha's pov:

As Bucky sits on the bed, hunched over as he tries to hide his tears, I slowly begin to come to my senses.

He's holding my cold hand with both of his. He's crying silently, but his silence screams volumes. His silence screams for help. His tears show me a torture in his own mind. His tears are showing me nightmares no man should see. He needs help. He needs a savior. He needs me.

I slowly sit up with the energy that I'm slowly regaining. I wrap my arms around him and rest my chin on his head. He wraps his arms tightly around me in return. He hangs onto me like his life depends on it. He keeps his head in my chest. He must've realized how cold I was, because he lets go and looks at my eyes. He cups my cheeks and I lean into his metal palm. Buck looks at me for a moment with a sad and concerned expression. The soldier presses me up against his chest and tries to warm me up. He keeps his arms protectively around me and adjusts us on the bed, so we're more comfortable. He leans back against the headboard and I sit between his legs laying against his chest. It's moments like these when I really remember just how big he is. 6 foot 2 of total super soldier. His big boots and dog tags are a reassuring sight. Makes me feel kinda secure, being in the arms of a one man SWAT team. He's big and fluffy. He's actually a big dog. Or a wolf. Either works. When we are just cuddling like this, he's actually a puppy. A big one, but still just a puppy. I start messing with his long hair, twirling it around my fingers.

"I'm so tired of seeing you suffer." He mumbles in a raspy voice.

"I could say the same." I half smile, but quickly drop it.

"We just both need to be happy." He sighs and laughs lightly.

"I try, believe me." I huff.

"Me too." He agrees.

"You know, you're pretty good at this whole emotional support thing." I comment.

"Heh, thanks. I could say the same about you." He smiles.

"...That's nice to hear. Good to know I'm of good use." I smile.

"I don't want you to ever think you're useless. We need you. I need you. You are not useless." He says sincerely.

"...My combat skills make it hard for me to determine whether or not you are lying." I mumble.

"Dammit, Natalia. I love you. Why can't you see that? We all do. You're our friend. We care about you. Now go to sleep, you need it." He snaps.

I don't respond to that one. I just take in his words. It's relieving to know that they really care about me, and don't just want we for my skills.

I grab the light green blanket next to us and lay it on us. I got cold. He moves forward and lays back on the bed. Now I get to lay on top of him. This brings back fond memories.

Times before his memories were restored, we would do this often. Even before he remembered me, we were cuddle buddies. I think he liked how I fit in his arms so perfectly, like a teddy bear. Maybe I was just a good blanket, considering body heat and all. Probably both. I liked how big he was. I felt secure, like I do now. People would always question why I would get so close as to lay on him. Everyone feared him. Everyone except me and Steve. I think that deep deep down, he recognized me. I think I was familiar, but he didn't know why. He just trusted me more for some reason. Something about me reminded him of home. Was it the fiery red hair? The emerald eyes? The small but fierce figure? The attitude? I don't know. All I know is that he trusted me a considerable amount.

"Natasha, you really are something special." Clint arches an eyebrow at me.

"I know." I don't even open my eyes.

"Why do you always insist on laying on top of the guy?" Clint asks.

"Because, he's comfy." I smile from my spot on the sleeping soldier.

"But, do you have to bring you assassin nap time to the couch?" He sighs.

"Well, I just saw him here. I just flopped down on him. He was here first." I point out.

"Whatever. You're so weird." Clint shakes his head and walks away.

"I told you guys. Bucky's a sweetheart." Steve crosses his arms in confidence.

"Yeah, to you. And redhead over here, but that's it." Tony comments.

"Oh, he's just not comfortable here yet. He'll warm up eventually." Steve brushes off the comment.

"He's already pretty comfortable here, considering how close he's gotten to Nat." Sam takes a sip of his gatorade.

"He'll get even more suited here, just you wait." Steve smiles.

"I don't know, but homeboy better not get too close to Nat. She's still my best friend." Clint warns.

"You have nothing to worry about Clint." I say tiredly.

"I want you to come with me though." Clint  whines.

"What do you mean? Where?" I ask.

"I want to go out. Somewhere. I gotta get outta her. Come one Nat, please!" He whines like a sad puppy.

"But Clint, I'm tired." I whine in return.

He walks up to me and continues to beg. He tugs on my arm, but suddenly jolts back when Bucky whips a knife out of his pocket and holds it out. Bucky holds onto me tighter with his metal arm. Bucky looks at Clint in alarm. After a moment of process, he sighs and shoves the knife back in his pocket, relaxing his tense muscles. He closes his eyes again, trying to fall back to sleep. Clint looks at the soldier in a defensive stance.

"Awww, Clint. You scared him." I smile a little.

"Holy shit he just pulled a knife out of his pocket. He pulled out his knife before he even opened his eyes." Clint isn't totally here.

"You should feel bad. You scared him!" I tease him.

"I scared him? Who drew the weapon again?" He says sarcastically.

"You shouldn't have been so sneaky about it, Clint. You need to be careful. There's always the chance he's not asleep." I remind him.

"Yeah... I'll keep that in mind." He huffs.

"My god, that guy has no chill. Except with Natasha. Then that's all he is. Moody, much? This is why I don't trust the guy." Tony comments.

Bucky opens his eyes and glares at Tony, who immediately shuts his big mouth up.

"...Yeah, I wouldn't trust me either. You'd better watch that big mouth of yours. It's gonna get you hurt someday." Bucky growls.

"What did I just say? Don't poke the bear." I remind them.

Wow. We've really been doing this for a while now, haven't we?

I like the assassin cuddle buddies team. Together, we'll make it through this.