Winter's Widow

Chapter 82: Trapped Pt.1

Natasha's pov:

Why am I like this? Why am I trapped? Why can't I just be free? I'm dying. Alone, so nobody else has to deal with my problems. They go away on their own. No need for them to worry about me. The least I can to is try not to be a burden.

I locked myself in my own room, and I've been locked in here for about 3 days now. Now that it's daybreak, going on dusk, people seem to be getting worried. I have been surviving off the snacks that I have hidden in the room. That consists of chips, candy, and alcohol. Even still, I haven't eaten much the last couple of days, and I've lost a mildly noticeable amount of weight. I've been lazy all day, not really doing much. Mostly laying on my bed wondering why I'm still alive. Wondering if it's worth it. I have all my weapons laid out on my bed. It's a lot. I am laying on my bed with all the weapons, letting the tears fall.

"Natasha?" I hear calling through the door.

"Clint?" I speak in a weak voice.

"Are you ok? Can I come in?" He asks.

"I'm fine. No you cannot." I reply tiredly.

"Are you sure? You sound kinda sick. Are you trying not to infect us?" He assumes.

"I'm not sick. I'm just tired." I respond.

"...I don't really believe you when you say you're ok, but I'll leave you alone if that's what you really want." He sighs and walks away.

Well, he's going to have to deal with this a little longer. I have barely enough vodka to last me a week, so it'll be a few more days. End of day 3 still locked in here... Now they're getting worried.

Night falls, and my tears have run out. I'm not sure if I have any more water bottles stored in here, but I'm too tired to look. It's 10:00 and I'm tired as hell. Good thing Bucky is on a mission. He has been out for the last 3 days. He would force me out of here; fast. He'll probably be returning soon, sadly enough. I don't want him to see me like this. That's why I keep the door locked. I lock myself to the bed and close my eyes. The weapon stash surrounding me on the bed is actually settling. It makes me feel safe. I feel the calling and let sleep consume me.

The next morning starts off fairly normal. I still haven't left the room, and I'm still feeling empty and owned. It's around noon now, when I'm startled by furious knocking on the door.

"What?" I groan.

"Natalia, get your ass out here!" He's angry.

Dammit. He's home earlier than expected.

"No." I sigh.

"Why do you sound tired?" He asks.

"Guess." I walk to the door so I don't have to speak as loud.

"You've been locked in here for 4 days? What the hell?" He scolds.

"Today is day four. More like 4.75 days." I correct.

"Who gives a shit? That's 3.75 days too long." He says.

"Is this conversation going to be worth my time and energy, Barnes?" I ask.

"I need you to get the fuck out of there! What have you been eating all this time?" He asks.

"Chips and alcohol." I lay out the cold hard truth.

"Natalia, you get your ass out here and drink some fucking water." He snaps.

"No."

"No?"

"No. This conversations over." I walk away from the door.

I hear Clint talking to Bucky.

"I told you. She's not coming out. I don't know why." Clint explains.

"I'll get her out. She'll have to come out sometime, anyway." Bucky says confidently.

The rest of the day was spent on  my computer, and polishing weapons. That's what I remember, though I am totally drunk. I also blocked off the vent so that Clint couldn't get in that way. I knew that once he remembered that was an option, he would try it. I'm already one step ahead, Clint. I ignore all of Bucky's texts and calls. I tell him to go away when he comes to the door. He eventually gives up and walks away, until he tries again an hour later. He kept threatening to break down the door, but I knew he wouldn't. He's all bark and no bite. I also can't leave until the wounds on my arms have healed. I've been testing the sharpness of my knifes on my arms. I can't say it's only to test them, though.

That night was also the same. I locked myself up in the pile of vodka bottles, guns, grenades, and knifes, then fell asleep. It was peaceful. Ready for day 5?