Coffee Idol / kim taehyung (#29)

하나

I have a lot of dreams that I have wanted to be when I grow up which accumulate to more than about 10 different occupations throughout my entire 20 years of living in this world, some were really lovely and some were really plain ridiculous that I find it funny how I managed to convince myself that it would be my occupation once I have grown up.

I had wanted to be a florist like my mother when I was at the tender age of 5 when I went with my mother to her workplace where she arranged flowers for her customers, I liked the different flowers that were in the store and they all have different colours and shapes yet they were a perfect match when put together into a bouquet. There I told my mother about my first dream where it became a failure to me as I totally have no sense of coordinating and I found out that I had a allergy to the flowers, I didn't know what types of flowers would go well together and it was always a bad match whenever I try different combinations, I would spend days fighting off that allergy and because of that, I am not able to stay for long before I get a allergy attack, customers complained that I was bad at my job and so my first passion was gone just like that.

Then the second came when I was at the age of 8, I had wanted to be a teacher but I wasn't patient enough to be one. I had bad anger management and I clearly wasn't cut out to be teaching others. I then wanted to be a chef but I can't cook, the food that I cooked was inedible, I even caused my whole family to land into the hospital because they had consumed my food and was diagnosed with food poisoning.

The fourth, I wanted to be a nurse at the age of 12 but I can't even stand blood, I would faint even when I cut myself by accident. And the fifth, I wanted to be a performer, an idol to be exact. I had my mother sign me up for dancing and singing lessons once I had decided to be a performer, a dancer.

She didn't allow me to go for course, because I had already wasted a lot of her money that she had saved for me and she didn't want me to make any rash decisions before I would regret.
But I just knew that I would be an idol for sure since I had some experience in dancing.

My mother signed me up for some ballet lessons along with my older sister when I was 5, hoping that I would be more elegant but I didn't. My older sister was the only one who became the person that my mother wanted her daughters to be - an elegant lady whose only goal is to look pretty and marry the man that you loved by the age of 25.

So I promised her that I would start to undergo training to be an idol if I were to get first place in my school for the high school admissions examinations and I did just like that, scoring a perfect score in my examinations which earned me a ticket for the dancing and singing lessons that I always wanted to sign up for.

I attended lessons attentively and my dancing skills improved shockingly in the course of a few months after signing up and the trainer there suggested that I should go audition at various entertainment companies for me to get accepted and be officially trained to be an idol which is better than the dance academy that I am under.

I got accepted on my first try in one of the more popular entertainment companies and I trained with them for a whole 4 years before I was given the chance to debut with a few other girls around the same age as me and we will form a 6 membered girl group with me as the lead vocalist and lead dancer.

I was 19 when I debuted as an idol and I couldn't forget the date that we actually performed on TV and our music video is being viewed by thousands on various social media platforms.

I walked past a few girls who were sitting at the café tables outside with a smile on their faces, in their hands holding a mobile phone showing a video of a certain girl group, giggling and squealing when their bias appears on the screen of their mobile phone.

They are the hottest girl groups of the recent years and every song that they have released have made it on the charts, securing their wins on every music broadcasting shows, appearing on almost every variety show whenever they make a comeback.

My group can never do that, our group failed to get much attention as this group that the girls were hyping about. We debuted at around the same time and they were already very popular even before their debut, they had members who are well-known among fans and non-fans and they used that very technique to attract the netizens' attention, thus increasing their popularity without even debuting yet.

In comparison, our group didn't have any members who were popular in their own ways, like being an ex-model or a child actress, all our members were either street scouted or being auditioned at the company. We couldn't get as many fans like them and we got overshadowed by them whenever we have to perform in the same music shows, thus not even getting any attention from anyone.

That went on for almost a year with the group not getting any spotlight or getting any popular with the number of songs that we put out, the company saw us as a failure who couldn't live up to the expectations of the previous idols that they nurtured and invested in, they decided to terminate our contracts and our group ceased the next day, no longer being able to be in the same group ever again.

It was then that I realized that this career is not for me, I have been living my 5 years of striving to be the best but yet, I am not the best that I want to be. My fifth dream didn't come true.

"Woah, this unnie is so pretty!" One of the girls sitting at the café tables exclaimed. "I wished that I could be like them." She said dreamily.

The other girl said to her. "You can go audition since you are so pretty, they will definitely accept you first. Go audition at the same company and them."

That is what happened to me when I was 15, a young and bubbly girl who dreamed of wanting to be an idol after watching a girl group performing in a music show. My whole life was ruined as soon as I signed the contract, the contract of hell.