Coffee Idol / kim taehyung (#29)

십구

Taehyung

[This chapter is a flashback of Taehyung's POV after he got injured.]

I laid down on my own bed, just staring into space because I didn't want to cry again and that my tear ducts have stopped functioning and I can't cry anymore, it had been like this for a while ever since she was gone from my life forever and she is not going to come back ever again.

Because of that, I no longer have the motivation to live anymore and to enjoy myself like before, all I can think of is the fact that she ended her life in order to protect her group and that I didn't know about it until my own father told me about it, he was in tears when I first received his call, he couldn't believe that his own daughter had decided to end her life just like that and she is not coming back to life ever again.

I have been to her funeral the day I came back to Korea and I was upset that her boss didn't even attend her funeral even though she worked for him for so long, it is as if he had all forgotten about her. But her group members were here but all wearing a disguise so that no one would know that they are here, they were all weeping and mourning for TaeEun but not the boss, he wasn't even there to sent her off for the last time.

Even my group members who have only heard her voice from the phone conversations that I have with her made their way here just to support me, they haven't seen her before but yet they stayed there for the entire funeral as if they are my brothers. It just shows that they are people that have a heart, unlike her boss and the manager who raped her, they are the ones that don't have a heart and have driven my younger sister to this state.

If I have someone to blame for my younger sister's death, it is not her CEO nor the manager who sexually assaulted her, it is me who should be blamed for this accident. She called me on the day where I left for New York for our world tour, she also left a few voicemails for me but I was on the plane and I couldn't answer her calls. And when I called her back, she didn't pick up the call, she has already done the deed by then.

It is not like she did it on impulse, she tried to call me to discourage her from killing herself but I wasn't there for her, it is because I couldn't help her that she decided that no one in her family would help her and leaving this world would be the best for her. I was the one who caused her death, she would have still survived if I picked up her call in time, it is even better that I don't even go for the world tour, that way she wouldn't die.

It would be better if I die for her... That way, I am punished for my wrongs and TaeEun would be happy, TaeEun would forgive me if I join her.

I have nothing about my life to do anymore, I have already injured my leg which pretty ended my career and I have nothing to my name anymore if I can't dance. And I have already announced my hiatus to the others, whether they acknowledge or not, but I have decided that I will never come back to the group ever again. I don't even think that they want me to be back with them, I am useless as a singer, a dancer and I don't think anyone would welcome me once they know that my legs are useless and I can't dance anymore which meant that it is the end of my career.

I made my way out of my own apartment and I walked my way to the nearest beach that I can think of, it is the only place that I can think of where you can't find the dead body after you have drowned because the sea will wash everything away and leave nothing behind. I wish to die like that so that no one will be able to find me, and they can't save me either if they happen to find me because I will jump in immediately without any hesitation, they can't do anything about it and I will be able to join TaeEun as soon as possible.

I stood on top of the tower, looking at the beautiful scenery that I will be looking at for the last time, I like that I chose the beach as the place that I will die, it is such a beautiful place to die at and it will be the last piece of memory that I will have on my mind. I am such a genius...

I smiled at myself before putting one leg in front of me, out of the ledge and I leaned my body closer to the ground. Goodbye world... It was a good 24 years of my life, I have fulfilled my dream of being a K-pop idol and got famous. And now I am dying at the peak of my career, what a joke...

I closed my eyes as I smiled, and I leapt off the cliff with nothing to lose and I felt something holding onto my hand. Someone saved me when I didn't want to, why must he save me for? "What the hell did you save me for? I want to die, just let me go!"

"What for? So that you can end your life just like that? That's the worst way of dying, why do you even want to do that for?" He grasped on my arm really tightly.

"You know who I am right?" I shouted at him. "I am that K-pop idol that took a hiatus for an unknown reason, but I actually broke my leg and now I can't become a K-pop idol anymore because I can't dance anymore!"

"I know but I don't know why you are doing this for? You can still start somewhere else if you can't dance anymore, maybe you can be a café owner downtown."

I laughed. "Are you freaking kidding me? Why did you even think of that? And my younger sister just committed suicide last week, she did it to escape from her manager who sexually assaulted her and she did that to protect her members."

"Then do you have to die? Shouldn't you be trying your hardest to live your life even though you are at your lowest? Being a K-pop idol is tough? So quit it and do something else, try to seek revenge for your younger sister while you are at it. You have to get out of that thinking and you will want to live again." I shook my head. "Then fine, I'll let you go since you want to die so much."

And then I felt his grip loosen on my arm and I got the feeling that I don't want to die anymore, I want to live and I want to survive in this world for as long as possible. "Wait! I don't want it anymore." He grabbed my arm again and he used all of his strength to pull me up, and soon I was on the floor just crying non-stop because he saved my life even though he is just a stranger to me and he decided to save me even though I am just a stranger to him.

I looked at him after I have calmed down and he was looking back at me as well, with a tired face but he was smiling at me. He had saved my life and it had made me realize something as well, to make TaeEun happy, I have to prove it to her that I am capable of living well even though I am at my lowest.

"You mentioned something about me becoming a café owner?" He nodded his head. "Hey, do you want to work with me? We can start a business and you can be my Barista, how does that sound?"