Coffee Idol / kim taehyung (#29)

이십 육

Taehyung

I sent Song DaeYeon out on his usual errands, I told him that I want him to buy dinner for me and it is not the food that the hospital provides, it is disgusting and bland. Hospital food is the only food that I don't enjoy at all and I feel like it should be up to the same standard of normal restaurant food and instead of making sure that it is nutritious for the patient, it should be delicious and decently well seasoned.

It is also one of the reasons why I hated going to the hospital and I have always opted to go to the clinic when I am feeling sick, I will never consider going to the hospital just to get a vitamin drip even though healthcare in Korea is relatively cheap compared to the rest of the world. But I had no choice this time, with my leg being in this condition, even if I went to the clinic to get it checked out, the doctors would just recommend me to go to the hospital instead because there is the right medical equipment and I will get well treated there.

Ever since I got injured my knee a year ago, it had ruined my life almost entirely because I am not able to do the things that I could do before, I never knew that it would have such a huge impact on my life if I couldn't walk properly anymore. After the incident, I could never run anymore and do anything more than walking, the doctor fitted me with a leg brace that only allows me to walk but not for a long-distance or it will start hurting. I also couldn't stand up for too long or it will start hurting as well and I would need my painkillers to lessen the pain that my leg is causing me, I would prefer if my leg would go numb or completely paralyzed so that it wouldn't cause so much pain every time it hurts.

Because of this half-paralysed leg of mine, my life has been nearly ruined as I am unable to do the things that I loved doing before, living as a handicap sucks and I hated my life and I had no choice but to live the rest of my life accepting that I could never be the same before and that I would always be a burden to everyone else who is around me. I can't help but be a burden to everyone and I hated myself for that, especially towards my members who have waited for me to return back to them ever since the day I got out of the hospital and I have been trying my hardest to avoid them because I know that my heart will soften when I see them.

The door opened and I looked towards the door, I blinked at the people who came in through the door and I kept a straight face at them. "Please get out, before I get mad," I told them.

"Taehyung..." HoSeok called out my name.

"Get out, all of you! How did you even know that I am here?" I yelled at them, looking for Song DaeYeon because he is most likely to be the one who told them that I got injured and is now in the hospital. "I don't want to see you at all, please get out!"

"Taehyung, please..." JiMin sat down and the others came closer to me. "We were shocked to find out that you got injured even more and we rushed here as soon as we found out about it."

"So? It is not going to help me in any way at all, I am still going to be a cripple and there is no way to reverse it. If you have a solution to my problem, then say it. If you don't, don't waste any more time on me and get out of the room right now."

"All of you get out first, I'll deal with him," Yoongi told them and they left the room, just like they are instructed to.

"Are you going to persuade me to go back to the group as well? If you are, you are welcomed to get out of here as well." I warned him in advance.

He shook his head and he took a seat. "Do you know that I have almost given up being a rapper before our debut?" He asked me and it is something that I have never heard from him before, he is always that passionate about making music and working as a composer and plus, he has been working on this since his teenage years. There is no reason for him to give up on something that he liked so much.

I shook my head but said nothing at all. "I was losing motivation and I could never make anything that moves people that much, they are more interested in people who have the visuals but is lacking a lot in talent and I am completely the opposite of that. Who cares if I know how to compose songs? People don't listen to your songs and that makes you feel that you are not doing well enough and they will never be satisfied with it, I am here working so hard and they treated it as nothing. So I wanted to give up and the other members rejected that idea out of my head, telling me that I shouldn't work hard for people who don't appreciate me and work hard for those who appreciate and want to listen to my songs."

I put a hand up to stop him. "So you are saying that I should never give up as well? Because there are still people out there who want to listen to me?"

He nodded. "I have said a little too much but that is the point. You might have injured your leg and it is never going to heal but it doesn't matter, the fans will never stop loving you and we will never think of you as a burden to our group. You are the one who is always thinking that you are a burden, do you know how stupid that actually sounds?" He smacked my head and I groaned. "You truly deserved it, it took all of us almost a year to meet you and you are really that stupid. Come back to the group, we really need you, Taehyung. We really do."

Am I really needed in here? For the past year, I have been working away from the entertainment industry and it has been a very unusual experience for me, especially for someone like me who has been performing all the time and suddenly I had to learn how not to stand out and attract too much attention. But I kind of liked being a café owner and doing things at my own pace, it is a new life that I am leading and I am getting used to it.

But it is not what I wanted and it is the only way that keeps me from getting bored and depressed, I have kept away from suicidal thoughts ever since I opened this café and this café has become a part of my life now.

"If not we can disband this group right now and do the things that we want to do for the longest time, it is not like we don't have a dream other than being an idol. And plus, SeokJin hyung is going to the army very soon and it will be a while of us not performing. It is the perfect time for us to disband as well, we have all achieved the things that we should have achieved as a K-pop group and there is nothing that we can surpass because we are at the top."