Devotion [h.s]

267

Day 27 without Amelia

Harry Styles

Left, right, left, right

My fists nail into the punching bang hanging from a tree in the backyard, the new backyard. With my grey hoodie up and my black beanie on beneath I stood in the middle of the averagely large lawn and hit the black leather bag over and over again to release impending stress and frustrations. I used to do this at the old cabin for a while until I stopped. But now I was doing it again and I needed to more then ever. This was the only way I could distract myself from everything. This was my only outlet of peace.

The past 27 days — have been hell. I am a walking corpse that was slowly falling apart day by day.

We moved into a new house, I made some calls to old connections I had to get me the place under a different name. I had the money in one of my many alias accounts across the grid and ended up with this place. It's a nice house, quiet surrounding like the old one but not hidden in a forest. There are other people that live on this street, but they are super spaced out and our house is surrounded by tall hedges so no one could be nosy and spy.

It's just Briar and I, Niall got his own place.

He insisted that for my well being that he should stay with us, but I told him it was easier if he wasn't. I needed the space alone to regroup the way I wanted. I wanted the time with Briar. And I know Niall would positively try to distract me but I wanted to deal with this on my own, I don't need help.

Mary and Ben have been a good help but like I said, I didn't need it as much as they were offering to give it. They watched Briar for a couple days while I organized the house purchasing and the whole moving in aspects, but besides that I've seen them rarely. Mary keeps stopping by once in a while and asking me how I'm doing, I give her the same answer every time.

That I'm okay.

Because there was no where to begin what was going through my head all the time and there was no way I was gonna sit down with her and cry out all my feelings in her arms. I don't like doing that, and I don't need to do that. So I just tell her the same two words. They on the other hand were upset about Amelia, but they were handling it well. Mary told me that 'although they were devastated and prayed for her every night, this wasn't the first time something happened like this with Amelia.' After all she was gone for about a year, taken by me.

So of course that was a little awkward but they didn't show me any dismay from it.

Left, right, right, left

I bought all new stuff, furniture, household items, toys for Briar, everything. We had nothing left after the fire and it hurts me to know how Briar lost her favourite stuffed rabbit. I scavenged to find one just like it but of course I couldn't so she's been very fussy over that. Louis burned off my hidden barcode on my chest, making sure I wasn't traced anymore.

Louis has had a special place of frustration in my blood. Since the moment Amelia wasn't breathing on the front lawn of our flaming house I was angry at Louis.

Because he was the one that decided to poison Deception, resulting in them coming after us to kill my family and light the house on fire.

I was ready to hurt him, badly. I was going to absolutely blind him for doing that stupid unnecessary move without running it by anyone else. And if this was four years ago I would've been all for it, but every since Amelia and Briar, I've been trying to smooth things out with Salvation and Deception rather then fire at them. It wasn't just my life on the line, that's why I stepped down as leader originally.