Behind The Stage (BxB)

Chapter 46-Call Off, Call Home

Chapter 46
Call Off, Call Home

Lucien POV

"What is wrong, babe?" Alexei asks softly, as I just broke off a kiss that got way too heated.

I can feel his breath against my lips and I want to whimper in desperation.

We are celebrating, we woke up this morning to a clear weather and the blizzard stopped torturing this city last night. They are working on getting our lives back to normal, and for the first thing Alexei and I are going to take a well needed shower.

Luckily we have been able to brush our teeth, with cold water, otherwise there wouldn't have been any kissing for too many days. I still blush at him calling me babe, but I like it. Baby boy, babe, angel...they vary.

"I-I-I think w-we s-should stop for n-now" I say, still breathlessly with a quiet voice, and slide my hands down from around his neck to his chest.

"Oh, right, of course" Alexei mutters, in return sliding up his hands off my butt to the small of my back. I can't stop the quiet, sad whimper that leaves my mouth at the disappointment he's trying to hide off his face. My gaze at his chest, not daring to look into his eyes, start to get blurry. "Hey, hey, it's okay, Lucien. You want to stop, we stop. Don't feel bad, I'll get over this. I just got too excited, I'm sorry."

So did I, don't apologize damn it...

Alexei suggests we take that shower now, and I nod in agreement...and in thought. I can't let this go on anymore. I'm too scared to tell the truth, and without telling it, I can't be in a relationship.

We both get off the bed, and he shocks me by asking teasingly if we take the shower together. It would save hot water, he reasons.

I clear my throat, beet red, and sit down on the edge of the bed. "You k-know, e-even if showering together w-would save water in a-a way, a-and that's good, v-very good, but sometimes, i-in some cases y-you know, i-it's a-also good to waste water a l-little so that it gets r-refreshed."

"Fine, I see" Alexei says with a chuckle and kisses the top of my head. "I'll go first this time, so it's warmed up for you."

My heart clenches in my chest when he walks away to go to the bathroom.

"Wait" I blurt out, making him turn around and look at me with a risen eyebrow questioningly. "Um, b-before y-you go, I-I would, well, i-it's that..."

Alexei walks back and sits next to me, taking my slightly shaking hands into his. I'm doing this for him.

"Yes? Tell me what the matter is" he almost demands, still nicely.

I take a deep breath. "I don't think I-I c-can do t-this. Dating f-for real, I mean. I-I'm sorry, I'm s-sorry. I like y-you, Alexei, I do and I m-mean it, but...you s-see, it's not y-you, it's -"

Alexei snorts, taking his hands back. "You? Yes, I have heard that one before."

"But i-it's t-true, it's true n-now" I whisper, my eyes widened at his serious, hard voice.

"What did I do wrong?" He queries and I shake my head. He stands up. "Tell me, I can do better for you. I haven't done this dating in a long time properly, you know that and I'm not perfect but I can do better. I'm sorry if I get too...excited with you, I can't help it, but I can control it and I will, as long as you need. That is no reason for breaking up what we have."

"I-I still c-can't" I force myself to say.

I feel too guilty and bad to continue like this. However, I didn't know I liked him so much that I can feel my heart breaking right now. No less, thanks to his words just now.

Alexei sighs and runs his hands through his hair, then nods with a blank expression on his face.

"Alright" he says with a voice I haven't heard on him with me for a while. What I would describe it, is cold. "If that is what you want, we're over. Whatever."

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"Why did you break up with him? What did he do? I swear if he did anything to hurt -"

"N-no, stop, h-he didn't do a-anything bad" I assure him, cutting his threats off. "He w-wasn't a-anything but nice a-and...great, r-really."

"Then what's the problem?" Daddy asks confused.

"I...I...I don't k-know" I mumble pathetically and sniff against the sleeve of my hoodie.

I can't even tell my parents, who I trust the most. They wouldn't disown me or anything, I believe that, but things would get different and I don't know how exactly. Something like me shouldn't exist in this world.

"Okay, hey, calm down dear. It's okay, it happened today so you're allowed to feel any way you feel. I wish I could make you feel better, even a little but as it's not possible, I need you to promise me you'll do something nice tomorrow. Ask a of your friends in there to cheer you up. Okay? Promise?"

"Okay, I-I promise t-to t-try something."

"Good boy. Are you still in friendly terms with Alexei?"

"Y-yeah, I-I mean, it's awkward a-and not on its best but w-we manage. We're s-still roommates and c-can't a-avoid each other e-either."

"Mhmm, I'm sorry dear it didn't work out between you two, whatever it is. Are you both sure this is the best option? Jared and I broke up once too for a while, you know the story. Did you both understand and discuss the situation?"

"Yeah, but I-I'm sure i-it was the best o-option I know o-of. I...it was a-all just too much for m-me, I think. Maybe I-I'm never suitable e-enough for relationships."

"Do not say that, August. You may not be right now but don't say never, you are just eighteen years young."

"R-right" I say halfheartedly.

I have always wanted to have something like him and Papa, they found love so young. Maybe Alexei and I could have got something, but it's my fault for not giving a chance.

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