Harry stared at the fire with a frown. A chill went down his spine making him cringe into himself. He rubbed his arms and swallowed hard as he rubbed his eyes.
"Can't sleep?" A soft voice said from behind him.
"No," Harry replied.
Newt slid into the seat at the child's side making Harry tense. The red haired man smiled tiredly and looked into the dying embers of the fireplace. Silence surrounded the two as crackling embers popped with bursts of light. Snow outside the large windows drifted slowly to the ground and if the mood wasn't so sour it would have been a peaceful. Harry glanced at the old man at his side and tried to find even a shred of the elder's past self, the Newt he had read about in history books. The brave, odd adventurer that saved the wizarding world was no replaced with a man who looked empty inside. Harry couldn't help but wonder;
"What happened to you?"
He hadn't meant to say it out loud. He never meant to say the words but now that they were out there he couldn't take them back. The man at his side tensed and Harry swallowed hard.
"I don't know," came the soft reply. "In all honesty,"
Harry turned back to look at the embers and felt the dark creep closer from around the room. He shivered softly and felt his heart beat faster.
"It was all an adventure at first," Newt said softly "I just wanted to save them. Animals or humans. Anyone who needed my help. If I could help. You can't save everyone,"
Newt swallowed and looked past the soft flames into his own thoughts, his eyes glazing over.
"Over time the more I tried to help, the more damage it seemed like I was doing. Adventures weren't fun anymore they were just dangerous. The people I wanted to save suddenly didn't seem to be in danger anymore and the more I saw, the more I learned the more it seemed like I was the one hurting them. All of them. I guess what happened in the end is I tried so hard to be the good guy that I turned into the bad one. The more I tried to be good, the more bad decisions I made. Until I couldn't fix it anymore. I made a bad decision and couldn't take it back and it has haunted me ever since. When something like that haunts you, it never leaves and even when you get away you can still feel it on you" Newt paused and rubbed his arm as if getting the cold off of it "it's like when you walk into a spiderweb and feel like the strings are still across your skin, or like waking from a bad dream and feeling like you are still asleep. It never goes away."
Newt stopped talking suddenly and stood up. Harry watched him walk out of the room and felt his heart racing. His eyes were wide and Harry felt the hairs standing at the back of his neck. He swallowed and pulled the blanket closer around his body, the room feeling even more freezing than before.
