Stucky oneshots

More Than Enough

TW: depression, slight suicidal thoughts?

"Eat." Bucky commanded shortly, sitting across from Steve at the table as he placed a plate of food in front of him.

Steve had been struggling lately and what little regard he had for taking care of himself was gone. He was depressed and Bucky was worried about him, rightfully so. He didn't know just how low Steve had been feeling, though.

Steve looked up at him before looking down at the food, his face contorting. "I'm really not up for eating."

"Steve, come on. You've gotta eat, doll. You haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday and your body burns too many calories for you to not be eating. Please, at least just a little bit." He practically begged.

He sighed softly, picking at the food on the plate. "The thought of eating any of this makes me nauseous."

"I will make or order you literally anything you want, honey. Just say the word and I'll get it." He tried desperately. Steve was starting to look as skinny as he was in the thirties and it terrified Bucky.

"It's not the food itself, Buck, just eating. I don't want to eat. I don't have an appetite." He explained tiredly, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Okay, I hear you but this is not negotiable. You have to eat. You don't have a choice here. You haven't been eating much lately and I can almost count your ribs through your shirt. You're starting to look like you did in the thirties, just taller." He rubbed his face in exasperation, taking a breath before continuing. "You have to eat to stay alive."

"Well maybe I don't want to stay alive." He mumbled, staring out the window and away from Bucky.

Bucky felt his heart clench and his stomach drop. "What?"

Steve stood up from the table, shaking his head. "Nothing, never mind. I'm going to go take a nap and when I wake up, I promise I'll try and eat something."

"Please don't." Bucky pleaded as he walked away, making Steve stop in his tracks. "Steve, please don't give up on yourself."

He tensed up, unmoving from where he stopped walking in the doorway of the kitchen. It felt like the dam of emotions that he'd been holding back for weeks was cracking and he was going to lose control.

Bucky approached him and stood in front of him, seeing his lip trembling and his body shaking slightly. "Baby, I love you. You don't deserve the pain and punishment you're giving yourself. Let me in, I can help you."

"You don't want to know." He spoke with his voice taut as he struggled to hold back tears.

"Know what?" Bucky asked gently, placing his hands on Steve's shoulders so he couldn't walk away from him now. "Sweetheart, you can tell me anything."

Steve breathed raggedly, tears beginning to escape his eyes. "I hate existing and nothing I do is good enough. I'm not enough, no matter how hard I try or what I do. My mind is-it's just this dark, horrible place and I don't want to put this on you! I'll figure it out and I'll be fine, you don't-you don't need to worry about me."

"Steve, I have spent a century worrying about you. I'm not going to stop. And everything you just told me is so incredibly wrong." He spoke softly, pulling Steve into his arms. "You are good enough. You're strong enough. You're worthy enough. You, my love, are enough. No matter what your brain is telling you, you're enough."

Sobs began to escape Steve as he clung onto Bucky, the material of his shirt held tightly in his fists. He allowed himself to feel vulnerable and let out the emotions that he had hidden away for too long.

"Don't think you're putting anything on me. I'm your husband, I'm here to support you through hard times. In sickness and in health. I know what it feels like for your brain to be a bad, bad place and I'm sorry yours is right now. But you don't need to suffer through it alone. I'm here for you to talk to, to sit in silence with, to keep your mind off of it, to discuss how your mind is lying to you, whatever you need." Bucky promised, rubbing his back soothingly. He kissed his temple before picking him up and carrying him to the couch, Steve clinging onto him.

They sat down together with Steve on Bucky's lap. Steve continued crying with his face pressed against the side of Bucky's neck. Bucky rubbed his back and whispered assurances to him until he calmed down a bit.

"I shouldn't...have taken the...serum." He hiccuped as his crying lessened a bit.

"Why do you say that? Hmm?" Bucky questioned gently, pulling his head away a bit to see Steve's face.

Steve looked up at him, his eyes red and tears littering his cheeks. "Because being Captain America just makes me feel horrible. It-it's made me lose so much and-and I can't live up to what they want."

"To what who wants?" He asked as he wiped the tears from Steve's cheeks.

"The team. The country. The world." He sniffled.

"You're human. Superhero on the occasion, but human all the time. Humans aren't perfect, no matter what they're injected with. No matter what anyone says, you do your best. I see it, the team sees it, so many people see it. You give everything you do 110% and, sweetheart, it is more than enough." He kissed Steve's forehead and hugged him tightly. "You are more than enough, you hear me?"

Steve nodded before cuddling against Bucky. "Thanks Buck."

"I'm here for you 24/7, to listen, to reassure you, anything you need. Don't let this be the only time you actually let help in. Therapy helps too, I think you should try it. I also think you still need to eat something."

Steve smiled slightly, nodding in agreement. "Can we get Chipotle?"

Bucky laughed, squeezing Steve in his arms and pressing kisses to his face. "Absolutely."

I definitely meant to update earlier but depression hit hard, self-harm relapses may or may not have happened, and I am a ✨disaster✨ 🙃