Stucky oneshots

Make The Call

Trigger warning: self-harm, suicidal thoughts

Bucky was driving himself and Steve home from a long day in the city. They had walked through parks and streets full of people and, considering it was over 90 degrees Fahrenheit that day, they were both sweaty and felt disgusting.

As he drove, Bucky took off his shoes and shirt and threw them into the backseat and, without thinking, repeated the action with his watch. Basically anything extra on him that was making it harder to cool down was being ripped off. Steve completed similar actions before giving Bucky a stern look.

"Bucky..." he spoke seriously, a sudden change from their previous upbeat demeanors.

"What?" He asked confused before looking at Steve and realizing he was staring at his wrist, right where his watch had been.

"What's on your wrist?" He eyed the angry red scratch that had been covered by his watch band.

"What do you think it is?" He replied goofily, refusing to be serious and have this whole conversation.

"I'm upset about that. You were supposed to come to me next time you wanted to do that." He told him seriously.

"I'm not going to be serious and have this conversation with you right now so let's forget it." He shrugged it off with a laugh as he turned up the Hamilton soundtrack.

Steve dropped the subject and the two just sang the soundtrack the rest of the drive home. When they got back and were getting their stuff out of the car, Steve stopped his husband with a hand on his chest.

"I'm still upset." He looked down at Bucky's wrist.

Bucky put his watch back on and shook his head. "What do you want me to say, Steve? That I won't do it again? That I'm sorry? I'll talk to you next time?"

"Yes, I would love to hear all of that but I wish you would mean it."

"Okay, fine. I'm sorry I cut again, I'll talk to you next time, I won't do it again." He recited monotonously before walking away.

Now, two days later, Bucky was replaying the conversation as he paced the kitchen. Steve was at a Stark gala that Bucky had gotten out of due to a past of 'excessive PDA' with Steve when he was drunk.

He wanted to cut again. Well, actually, he wanted to kill himself but he knew he really shouldn't do that so his mind was trying to settle for cutting. He hadn't meant a word of what he told Steve when they got home the other night, but he didn't want to upset him by cutting again.

As he decided what to do, battling with his mind between killing himself, cutting, or calling Steve, he had an anxiety attack. His breathing quickened to an alarming speed as he clutched his aching chest.

He shakily pulled his phone out and hovered his thumb over Steve's contact, continuing to debate calling him or not. He could very easily just cut and deal with the consequences later, if Steve found out. He could probably cut somewhere Steve wouldn't see but what if...

He went to turn his phone off as he continued to struggle through the anxiety attack and accidentally pressed Steve's name, the phone dialing his husband. He quickly ended the call but, within seconds, Steve was calling him back. He didn't answer the first two times, but when he called for the third time in a row, he knew he had to pick up.

"Uh, hi." He answered, squeezing his eyes shut and punching his thigh. 

"Are you okay? You sound upset. Why did you call and then not answer when I called back?" He asked worriedly, about to rush home to his husband to make sure he was safe.