Stucky oneshots

Don't Go

"Buck?" Steve spoke up from the opposite end of the couch as his husband. They'd been sitting together quietly, Bucky on the iPad and Steve reading a book as Christmas music played softly and the Christmas tree lights illuminated the room. But Steve was really just reading and rereading the same page as he couldn't focus.

"Hmm?" Bucky hummed in response, pausing the game he was playing and looking at him.

"I have to go on a mission again. I leave Tuesday and it'll last a couple weeks, at least. I found out this morning and I didn't know how or when to tell you."

Bucky's face dropped and his eyes went wide. "But-I can't-Steve why so long? And...Christmas is..you won't be here!" He sputtered, searching for the right words.

"I know, honey. I'm sorry but I have to go."

"No, you can't. You can't just leave me for that long, especially not at Christmas! I can't, Steve. I can't handle it." He panicked, dropping the iPad and beginning to dig his nails into his palm.

"Yes you can, Buck. I know you can. You're strong, you can handle this."

"No I can't! What about the nightmares and-and anxiety attacks? You'll be gone for Christmas! Stevie don't go." He cried, not even realizing there were tears on his face.

Steve looked at Bucky's flesh hand and saw that he had dug his nails into his palm so hard there was blood dripping. He moved closer and took his hand in his own, gently pulling his nails out of his flesh. "We still have two days. We can decorate cookies and do the fun stuff now then open gifts when I get back. It sucks but you'll get through this."

Steve grabbed a tissue and held it to Bucky's hand, cleaning up the blood. Bucky laid his head on Steve's shoulder and sniffled softly. "I'm sorry. 'M being selfish."

"No you're not, Buck." Steve pressed a kiss to his temple. "You're not selfish."

————

In the morning, the pair began doing some Christmas traditions they'd miss when Steve left. They made cookies, decorated them, finished decorating the house, made a gingerbread house, and watched plenty of Christmas movies together.

They had fun but in the back of Bucky's mind, he knew Steve was leaving soon and he'd be alone. All alone with no support or reassurance when he was down.

Tuesday morning rolled around all too soon and Steve was packing up to leave. Bucky sat on their bed and watched, feeling like crying at the sight.

"I wish you didn't have to go." He mumbled for the umpteenth time in the past few days.

"I know, Buck. Me too." Steve sighed, closing his duffle bag. "But, it's time for me to go."

Bucky followed him to the front door before hugging him tight. "Don't go."

"You'll be okay."

"Please, don't leave me." He cried, holding onto the material of Steve's suit as tears began streaming down his face.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. It'll go by quick and I'll be home before you know it." Steve said, his heart constricting as he tried to comfort Bucky before leaving.

"No." He cried harder, not letting go of Steve's suit.

He felt stupid and embarrassed for crying over Steve leaving, but his anxiety was making him spiral. Not only was it daunting to have to navigate his nightmares and anxiety without Steve, but the memories of certain December Hydra missions lingered every year. Knowing he would have to go it alone made him not care how clingy or childish he was being.

"I'll call as much as I can." Steve promised, needing to leave but also not wanting to break Bucky's heart by going.

"Don't go. Don't leave me alone. I-I can't." He sobbed, unable to control his erratic breathing as an anxiety attack overtook him.

"I have to, honey. I need to leave now, I'm sorry. I love you so much and I'll miss you. You are strong and you can handle this. The weeks will go by quick, okay? Sam's on his way over to help you, alright? I love you." He promised, kissing Bucky's cheek before trying to pull away. Bucky wouldn't let go, though. "Don't make this harder, Buck. You have to let me go, I need to leave now."

Bucky cried harder and Steve had to practically pull him away, sitting him down on the steps and kissing his forehead. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I love you."

It broke both of their hearts when Steve walked out the door afterwards. Steve couldn't stand the idea of leaving Bucky so upset like he just did, but he had to go. The mission was big and he couldn't skip out on it, no matter how much he wanted to stay with Bucky.

Bucky continued to sob and was still in the midst of his anxiety attack when Sam showed up.

"Hey, man, it's alright. Steve is coming back soon. It's hard but you'll be okay." Sam tried, sitting beside Bucky on the step. He pulled Bucky into a hug and did his best to calm him down. After another hour, Bucky cried himself to sleep.

Sam carried him to the couch and covered him with a blanket before sending a picture to Steve and texting him, "Your man finally fell asleep. He's a wreck, I'll stay with him today."

As Steve was about to get on a plane, he heard his phone go off. He pulled it from his pocket and looked at what Sam sent. His heart broke at the picture; Bucky was sleeping but his face was swollen and puffy from crying and there were still tears on his cheeks. It made him glad that he'd asked Sam to go check on him.

He knew it'd be tough, but the pair would survive. Two weeks would go by in no time.