Stucky oneshots

Lonely, Pt. 3

I didn't proofread this because I lack motivation. This is the last part of Lonely and I'm not too happy with how it came out 🤷‍♀️ I hope you guys like it more than me

"Room 310. He should be waking up soon from the sedation. There's a sitter in the room to make sure he doesn't make any further attempt to harm himself once he's awake. If there's any problems once he wakes up, the sitter will get one of us." The nurse explained to Steve, walking him to Bucky's hospital room the next morning.

Steve nodded in understanding, the entire situation still feeling unreal. He walked into the room and saw the sitter, a blonde haired nurse, in the corner. She smiled at him before turning her attention back to the medical charts in her lap, subtly assuring him that she wouldn't watch him and make him uncomfortable while he was with Bucky. She would sit quietly and do her job of ensuring Bucky was safe.

Steve sighed softly, pulling a chair beside the bed and sitting down. "I'm so sorry, honey." He whispered, holding his flesh hand in his own. "I wish I'd noticed you needed help before it got to this point."

He sat holding his hand for nearly a half hour before he felt movement. Bucky's hand twitched slightly, causing Steve to look up at his face. Bucky's eyes opened before he squeezed them shut again and reopened them slower, adjusting to the light.

He looked around at his surroundings, then at Steve. He saw the tear stains on his husband's face and averted his gaze, looking instead at the wires and tubes connected to various parts of his body.

"Fuck." He spoke hoarsely, realizing that he was still alive.

"How're you feeling, sweetheart?" Steve asked softly, not sure what he should say or do.

"I'm fine." He mumbled grumpily, pulling his hand out of Steve's and trying to take the IV out.

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't take that out." Steve scolded gently, putting his hands over top of Bucky's to try and stop him. Bucky pushed him off and tried again, the sitter approaching him now.

"Mr. Barnes, please don't take that out. If you don't stop, I have to put you in restraints and I really don't want to." The nurse explained, putting her hand over the IV to try and keep it in Bucky's hand.

Bucky froze and gritted his teeth, glaring at both the sitter and his husband. He didn't want to end up in restraints, even if he could break out of them, because it would trigger feelings of being held captive and he would feel so much worse then.

"Don't make me take your metal arm off." Steve threatened, wishing he didn't have to make the threat but knowing he would follow through if he had to. Bucky glared at him once more, not moving or speaking. "James Buchanan, I'm serious. Just relax."

He reluctantly put his metal arm down and allowed the sitter to retape the IV in place. Once it was fixed, the sitter took her place back in her chair. Bucky stared forward, refusing to look at Steve again.

"Honey, I'm sorry. You're here to make sure you stay safe. She's doing her job as a nurse and I'm doing my job as your husband." Steve spoke softly, reaching to set his hand on Bucky's arm only for him to pull away.

"Oh, don't." He spoke sharply, feeling rage built up inside him that he didn't have an outlet for. "I haven't spent more than 10 minutes with you in weeks. I haven't spent time with anyone in weeks and-and nobody noticed! Nobody cared! Do you know how fucking lonely I've been? Or-or have any idea how bad that hurts?!"

Steve looked down, feeling worse, before looking back up at Bucky. "I'm sorry. Things will be better. No more missions or meetings or trainings. We can fix things."

"You don't get it." He groaned, frustrated. "I don't want things fixed, I want to give up!"

Steve's breath hitched in his throat, the words making him take a minute to collect himself before responding. "Can we at least try to change things and see if it helps? Before you decide to try something irreversible. Again. Because if we make changes and they help, great. If they don't, we make more changes until things feel better. We can make changes and keep making changes and reverse the changes if we need to. But if you do what you just tried, we can't undo that."

Bucky shrugged, seeming to have calmed down a bit. Steve made sense, as much as he hated to admit that to himself. He was quiet for a few moments before laughing quietly.

"What's funny?" Steve asked curiously, not sure what was going on.

Bucky gestured to his bandaged arm and legs and the bandages wrapping around his torso. "I added a few more scars to my collection."

Steve shook his head. "I guess you did. I don't really think it's funny though."

"Yeah, I know." Bucky ran his metal fingers through his very messy hair, taking a deep breath. "I just...I'm-I'm sorry."

"For what?" Steve's eyebrows furrowed.

"All of it. For you having to see that and for putting stress on you and-and for being mean just now and-and for still wanting to die. I just-I don't have the energy to try again. Feeling the way I've been feeling is just so...exhausting." He admitted quietly, tears falling down his cheeks involuntarily.

Steve took his hand, Bucky not pulling away this time. "You don't have to apologize for anything. You have big feelings that you don't know what to do with and that's okay. Nobody taught us what to do with these kinds of emotions when we were young, it's not your fault. It makes sense you're exhausted dealing with it all but things are changing now. You aren't trying to work through everything alone anymore. You are not alone anymore."

Bucky sniffled, looking at Steve desperately. "But it's lonely even when I'm not alone." He whispered, sounding like a scared little kid.

Steve gave him a reassuring smile as tears found their way onto his cheeks now. "You're going to get help so that it doesn't feel like this anymore, okay?"

Bucky nodded. "Okay." He whispered, a sob escaping him.

Steve moved to sit on the bed and wrapped Bucky in his arms, careful of the wires, tubes, and bandages. "It's okay. You're not alone. I love you so much. It'll be okay. Things will get better." He assured him repeatedly, crying with Bucky as he tried to comfort him.

Bucky let himself break in Steve's arms, sobbing for almost an hour until he ran out of tears and energy. "Steve?"

"Yes sweetheart?" He hummed, keeping him close in his arms.

"I'm sorry I almost broke our promise. I almost left you before the end of the line." He sniffled, breathing shakily.

"It's okay, you're still here. It's not the end of the line yet. You don't get to leave yet. You're stuck with me for a long time to come." He kissed the side of his head. "You'll be okay, honey. You're not alone."