Stucky oneshots

Hidden Cuts

TW: self-harm

"Damn darling, you look good." Bucky flirted with Steve as he got into bed beside him.

Steve smiled, continuing to read his book. "Thanks Buck."

Bucky cuddled up close to him. "You always look good, though. This is nothing new."

Steve set his book down now and looked at him suspiciously. "You want something. What is it?"

Bucky feigned offense. "I don't automatically want something just because I complement you."

"But you do want something right now, don't you?" Steve challenged playfully before Bucky leaned in to kiss him passionately.

"Well..." he spoke, pulling away momentarily before kissing him again deeply. "I wouldn't mind terribly if we did something together..."

Steve pulled away from the kiss, becoming visibly uncomfortable with the situation. Bucky immediately noticed and gave him space, scooting away a bit and looking at him worriedly.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked, not accustomed to Steve acting this way with him.

Steve avoided eye contact and fiddled awkwardly with the hem of the blanket. He couldn't tell the truth and he wasn't sure what excuse to come up with on the spot. "It's uh, yeah I just—I'm a little tired tonight. Can we do this another night instead?"

"Absolutely. We don't ever have to do anything unless you want to. You sure you're okay?" He was still worried about his husband.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Goodnight Buck." He dismissed, turning off the lamp and laying down.

"Okay. Goodnight babe. I love you." Bucky replied, still confused and worried but laying down to go to sleep anyway.

"Love you." Steve replied just above a whisper, pinching himself for the encounter. That was weird. He was really weird about that. He should've handled it different.

He dug his fingernails into his arms as he internally screamed at himself. He dug his nails in too hard and he soon felt blood dripping down his arms. He panicked and his heart sped up. He knew Bucky wasn't asleep yet so he couldn't get up and cover the wounds.

So he pulled his arms into his tshirt so that the blood would hopefully only get on his shirt and he would clean it in the morning. With that, he fell asleep.

—————

In the morning, after scrubbing his shirt clean and ensuring there was no blood on the sheets, Steve got in the shower. Bucky had still been asleep when he got in so he hadn't been worried about him seeing.

Just as Steve was getting out of the shower, Bucky walked in. Steve panicked and grabbed the towel quickly, wrapping it around his waist.

"Would you please knock next time?" He huffed, Bucky squinting his eyes at him as he tried to analyze what was going on with him.

"This has never been a problem before. Something's up. Why did you cover yourself so fast?" He asked, trying to connect the dots of Steve's recent behavior.

"None of your business." Steve mumbled, leaving the bathroom to go get dressed in privacy.

Bucky wasn't letting this go any longer though. He followed his husband to their room where Steve had already put a pair of gray sweatpants on. "Steven, there is something going on. Please let me in. You don't want me to see you naked, you didn't want to have sex last night. The no sex thing is fine of course but something bigger was wrong than being tired and this? I'm worried about you. What's wrong?"

"God, it's nothing. Just leave it alone please." He begged, trying to sound tough about it but sounding more like a scared little kid.

Bucky stopped him as he began pacing anxiously. He had a hand on both of Steve's shoulders. "You're not okay and I want to help you. Can I help you? Will you let me help?"

Steve bit his trembling lip and looked at the floor. "I don't need help." He whispered.

"Yes you do. I've needed your help before and you were there. Now you need my help and I'm here. This is what we do. We're married. You've seen me at my absolute worst and you didn't leave. Nothing you tell me will make me leave either. I promise." He spoke, moving his hands to Steve's head and getting him to look up at him. "Let me in. Talk to me."

Steve took a shaky breath, staring into Bucky's eyes. He was quiet for a few moments before breaking the silence. "I...didn't want you to see..." He spoke so softly Bucky almost couldn't make out what was said. Almost.

"See what?" Bucky pried gently, hoping he could get Steve to open up.

"My thighs." He mumbled, feeling trapped and unable to find a way out of the conversation.

"What happened to your thighs?" He asked cautiously, fearful for an answer he already suspected.

"I...cut and they're not healed all the way yet. I didn't want you to know because I'm...I'm not supposed to be weak and it's just...I—I don't know."

Bucky sighed softly and kissed Steve's forehead. "Okay. Thank you for telling me. You did this yesterday?"

Steve nodded, looking at the floor in shame.

"When?" Bucky asked, sitting down on the bed and tugging on Steve's arm to join him.

Steve sat beside him and bit his nails anxiously. "After training before I showered."

"Okay. Did something happen that made you want to? Or was it just an urge you had trouble ignoring?"

"Kind of both, I guess. I wasn't good enough at training and I spiraled with that thought and I'm supposed to be this role model for so many people and yet I'm just barely getting by and then I wanted to and I knew I shouldn't but I just-" he began speaking faster and faster as an anxiety attack over and him.

"Okay, okay, it's okay. You're okay." Bucky assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Breathe. It's alright. You're enough, I promise. You're more than enough. Life is about survival. Everyone is just barely getting by. You don't have to be perfect."

Steve leaned into Bucky, who moved both of them so that he could hold Steve in his arms against his chest. He did so purposely so that his breathing could help Steve regulate his own. Eventually, Steve calmed down from the anxiety attack and his breathing returned to normal. He didn't know what he should say or do so he began to trace the lines on Bucky's metal arm.

Bucky smiled at the action, knowing Steve only did it when he was anxious. "You having fun?" He teased lightly, kissing the side of his head. Steve smiled slightly, continuing the movements. "You don't have to say anything about what just happened, okay? It's over. Let's just try to make a better choice next time you feel that way, huh?"

Steve nodded in agreement, feeling safe and secure in Bucky's arms. They stayed like that for awhile until Steve's stomach grumbled loudly.

Bucky laughed at the noise, making Steve laugh too. They ended up laughing uncontrollably, each one's laugh only fueling the other's.

"Do you-do you want to go get food?" Bucky made out between laughs, tears on his face from laughing so hard. "The whale in your stomach says you do."

"I want pizza." Steve laughed, no longer thinking about what had happened previously.

Bucky looked at the clock, laughed more, and nodded. "Alright then. We will find somewhere to get pizza. At 8 in the morning. Because my Stevie wants pizza so pizza he shall have."

Steve laughed and hit his chest playfully. "Come on then."