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'Nothing could ever make me more frightened, than the thought of hurting you'
I had never been one to make a choice and stick with it.
I'd been in the hospital for twelve hours before I made the decision. I knew that turning off her life support was the best thing to do. The doctor told me he could do it whenever I was ready. In my mind, I was thinking the sooner, the better, for everyone involved.
"I wish I didn't go back to England," I said as held Zellie's hand. My head was on the bed, my arms folded under my head, my eyes closed as I spoke to her. "I should have stayed here with you. If I stayed in Monaco, things might have been different. I've missed so much, you've missed so much."
As I spoke to her, the doctor came into the room. I had it scheduled for a time, the doctor was going to stop everything so the process would end naturally.
"I wish I could take your place." I had so many regrets. "Do you remember the time we went to Sarah's hen weekend?" I let out a laugh as I thought about it. "You got so drunk. Oh my God, you were uncontrollable." I sighed as all the good times rushed to the front of my mind again. "You always said you wanted to get married. I was pretty sure you were going to marry Arthur." The younger two of the group were close, I hoped they stayed close after I left and they didn't disappoint. They never entered into a relationship, friendship being enough for them both.
I felt things moving on the bed, when I looked up, I saw the doctor removing the last bits from Zellie then he left.
She looked like she was sleeping. Without all the tubes and IV lines, she looked almost normal. Her breathing was slow and shallow, her skin was cold and no sounds emitted from her.
"I love you."
As I held her hand, I watched as her breathing came to a halt.
My heart felt like it was crushing like it was breaking into a million little pieces. For a moment it was like my world had stopped until I realised what had just happened.
Panic set in, I squeezed her hand, "Zellie!" My voice was raised as I stared at her. I stood up letting go of her hand before I pushed her hair away from her face. "You can't leave me, please wake up!"
CHARLES LECLERC
I knew I should have arrived earlier but work didn't allow it. As soon as I arrived back in Monaco, I felt the blistering sun on my skin but the heat didn't stop the chills that flowed through my body. When I got to the hospital, I rushed to where Arthur had told me to go.
"Zellie!"
It had been too long as I heard that voice. Hearing the panic in her voice scared me, made me want to not go in there especially since I knew what I was going in there too.
"You can't leave me, please wake up!"
I stepped into the room, my eyes landed on the woman who had left my life a few years back. I knew it was her when I felt heard her voice but seeing her just confirmed that. She wasn't how I remembered, the Love I remembered was resilient, confident, hell she was the one who kept it together in the worst of times.
As I watched from the doorway, she collapsed to her knees holding the side of the bed where Zellie laid. All I wanted to do was hold her close and tell her it would all be okay but I didn't think it would be, not right now.
"Love," I mumbled her name to get her attention.
She was sniffling, whimpering as she turned her head in my direction. As she pushed her hair away from her face, I saw her eyes. "Charles," she sounded so broken.
My eyes glanced towards Zellie before I walked closer to the young woman on the floor. Crouching down, I offered her my hands, hoping she would take them. Zellie was a close friend of mine but I could grief later, Love needed me to be the strong one.
"I can't be here, it's too much." She shook her head as she looked at Zellie. Her eyes flickered to my hand before she took it, letting me help her to her feet. "I should have never come here."
Once she was standing, I pulled her into my arms, hoping to comfort her in some way. Not once had I seen her this upset, there was only one time she had ever cried in front of her friends that I could remember. That day she only cried because of the pain she was in after breaking her wrist after falling from the treehouse in my back yard, she was 14 at the time.
"I have to take her with me," Love broke away from me as she took Zellie's hand and put her head on her friend's still body. "She wouldn't want me to leave her alone. She can't stay here."
It broke me seeing her like this. I wondered if much had changed for her. Love always knew Zellie was going to die young but I didn't think she would react like this. She seemed to be the one with her head screwed on.
Love cried, she was absolutely distraught. I wondered if the sounds she omitted were the same as the ones I had when I had lost a close friend. I hoped that one day she would feel different, knowing that Zellie was finally at peace. We all knew she had suffered in his lifetime, not that Zellie would ever admit it to any of us.
"Love," I wrapped my arms around her. "Let me get you home?" I wanted to comfort her and keep her close forever.
She never replied, she continued to cry into my arms. I had to get her out of here, she was physically shaking. Taking her by the arm, I escorted her out of the room as I grabbed her stuff. Love didn't speak, she was too distraught. As I held her close, she continued to weep into my chest, she didn't even look up to see where she was going.
Stopping at the hospital desk, I knew I had to help Love and make a decision on Zellie's body. I spoke to the doctor that came to see me, Love didn't speak once, the only sounds that left her were the sounds of her weeping. The doctor nodded in agreement as I let him take the body of our young friend to the morgue. I knew Love would want to see her again soon.
I didn't pry about where she was staying. I decided to take her to my home, I needed to stay with her and help her through this time.
