ADOPTED BY THE SIDEMEN

· The Apology ·

Chapter suggestions always welcome below!

Enjoy! xx

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Holly's POV

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"You were so incredibly out of line downstairs," JJ says sternly, eyeing me as I look down at the floor.

I'm tired. The yelling has made me weak and emotional. I always cry when I argue.

"Amber has been nothing but nice to you ever since she walked through the front door a couple of weeks ago. It is so unbelievably embarrassing to have you scream and rage at my girlfriend. What do you think she thinks about you now? What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I don't care what she thinks about me," I sigh, keeping my eyes on the floorboards. "It's not fair, JJ. You ambush me with Amber's visit, force me to go along with the motion and expect me to fall in line with your new life. Why does everything have to move so quickly?"

"Holly, I understand this is new and difficult for you, but-"

"You don't understand it though, do you?" I challenge JJ, raising my eyes from the floor to finally look him in the eyes. "All my life I've been pushed to the side and neglected. You found me and gave me a home and you gave me love. Now, you've brought someone in and everything's changed. I know it sounds selfish and I hate myself for feeling this way, but I don't want to share you with Amber if this is how it's going to be"

JJ sighs and rubs his face, leaning against the bedroom wall. He stays quiet for a few minutes and I take the opportunity to downcast my eyes again.

"I'm sorry if things were left unclear and unexplained," JJ starts, calming the tone of voice. "It's a difficult transition and I should have cleared it with you before bringing her in. However, this does not excuse the fact that you disrespected, humiliated and made my girlfriend cry in front of everyone downstairs. Holly, this is so unlike you"

"Maybe you don't know me as much as you think you do," I mumble, hugging myself tightly. "I know your life would be better without me"

"Don't you dare say that," JJ says sternly, shaking his head at me. "You know you belong here with me and everyone else"

"Just admit it, JJ!" I sigh, gathering my hair in my hands. "Take me back to the orphanage and dispose of me. Amber and you can live the life you've always wanted, you know? Have some of your own kids and forget about what a selfish, sad, person I am!"

"Holly, stop that talk right now. I'm not taking you anywhere, okay? I think you need to calm down and rest. It's obvious you had a bad day"

"I'm tired of having bad days, JJ," I sniffle, lying back on my bed. "I'm tired of being an anxious sad mess that can't stop having nightmares. I'm exhausted and I just wish I was someone else"

JJ walks over and sits next to me on my bed. He doesn't seem angry anymore, just downhearted.

"Holly, listen to me," he says quietly. "I know life has tossed and turned you through the motions, pulling you apart at the seams and testing your every will to live. I know that, yeah?"

I nod, wiping the tears off my cheeks as JJ talks.

"You're getting better every day and making steps towards a better life, though. I know you don't see or feel it yourself, but you are growing and maturing into a beautiful young lady. What hurts me is that you don't seem to like Amber as much as I thought you did. Has she done anything to you? Told you something you didn't like? Cheated on me? What is so wrong with Amber that you had to make her cry? Why can't you let her establish a connection with you without having your guard up all the time? Most importantly, why can't you let her love you the way she wants to? She adores you. She tells me every day. Please, enlighten me on why she's so horrible?"