Being annoying (Tommy and Wilbur+George+Russ)

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Tommy's POV:

I don't always mean to be annoying. Sometimes just me being me, annoys people. Sometimes me stimming is annoying. And sometimes I mean to be annoying because it's funny, and for a joke. But I do this thing that I don't really know how to explain. I think it's like stimming, but when it annoys someone, it makes me do it more?

It sounds like just being annoying, and it looks like it too. But quite often I do it during the build-up of a meltdown. And that makes me think, that when my brain is starting to lose control, it tries to pull itself out of it, by annoying someone? I don't know. Maybe I'm making excuses for myself; my teachers at school always told me off for doing that. I know it's stimming, because it repeated. And I don't do something repetitive to annoy someone, normally. And it also helps me a little. The whole thing ends sending me into a meltdown despite that though, because normally people get annoyed and shout. They are allowed to do that, because I'm being annoying. But I just get upset with myself for doing it, even though it's the beginning of losing control. My parents don't get it, neither do my friends. I don't blame them; I'm the one who does it, and I can't explain why I do, so that they have a chance. But I'm lucky, because I don't do it that often anymore. Well, I've been doing it more since the pandemic, but I've had more meltdowns than I normally would. Things makes me anxious than they did before.

Wilbur, George and I did a vlog at a water park. It was fun, and I enjoyed it, but it was tiering. And it's harder to mask when I'm tired. Still, we got a McDonalds on the way back, and that made me feel a little better. But then we had to stop at a service station to go to the toilet. I've never liked service stations, because they are busy and you don't go to them a lot. And they are set up like a shopping centre, but they aren't shopping centres and that confuses me. I especially didn't like this service station, because to get to the toilets you had to cross the road. So there was this tunnel thing which went over the road, and the cars went very fast underneath it. It made me anxious; it made me feel uneasy.

So whilst Wilbur and George continued walking, I stopped dead in my tracks, just before the tunnel began. Russ put a hand on my shoulder, and I jumped, making a loud enough noise so that everyone around me, stopped what they were doing at stared. It was a scream, and I hadn't meant it to be, but I was so on edge. I then went bright red, started to cry and turned to run away, back to the car. I ran into someone, but they started hugging me. I looked up to see Wilbur, and I hide my face in his chest again. "Come on. I'll walk you across, then we'll walk back together, okay?" I wiped my tears off my face, took a deep breath and nodded. "Do you want to hold my hand?" I took the hand he had outstretched towards me, and put it on my shoulder. I tapped my other shoulder, to try and show he should put a hand there too. "Do you want me to do some deep pressure, or just help guide you through the people?"

"Both?"

"Yea, that's fine. Let's get this over with for you."

Wilbur was like my big brother, he wasn't, but he was a lot like one. And he understood me being autistic more than anyone I had ever met. He always knew what to do, and never had a problem with it. We got across, and whilst it still made me anxious, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I went to the toilet and washed my hands. Wilbur stood by the hand dryer as I used it and then put his hands back on my shoulders as we walked back through the tunnel-thing.

Wilbur's POV:

I had never seen Tommy so panicked over something before, but I kept a level head, and tried to do what we had to do, and get him out of there as quickly as possible. I waited for him by one of the handryers, but as I watched him wash his hands, I noticed his hands were stiff. And he was struggling to get soap from the soap dispenser for far longer than any average person would. Bad fine-motor skills were common for Tommy when he was upset, but it showed he was losing control. And I doubted that was going to end well for him.

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