Mcyt -autistic- oneshots

I'm actually panicking (Ranboo and Dream)

A/n super annoyed at myself, let me explain. I got this super cool request where someone asked for an autistic Ranboo, who does a lore stream. His character has a panic attack, but no one realises it's actually him having a panic attack. At least, if I have remembered it right, that's what it is. Anyway, I really loved the idea, but I've searched my inbox and notifications and can't find it. So whoever asked for it, here it finally is. I'm so sorry it took so long. Also, Dream helping because I think that would probably make the most sense here.

TW- panic attack, mention of C! Dream

Ranboo's POV:

Another lore stream, some of my favourites. It was just awesome to put some work into building my character and then seeing all the fans love it just as much. All the animatics are incredible, they might be my favourite part.

At first, they were a little more difficult. Well, that was before I talked to Techno. You see, I'm autistic, and I have somehow convinced myself that I'm the most socially awkward person ever, even though apparently I'm not. I worked hard not to seem awkward, but I can't get the idea out of my head.

Therefore, doing literally anything involving other creators, whether it be an among us stream, or even after I was invited to the dream smp, was difficult. It involved socialising after all. But I was sort of learning to enjoy it. Or certainly, I was learning to hate it less.

Dream and I had been talking, and had agreed that we wanted to do another lore stream involving my panic room. This time Dream was going to be sat in the call with me, saying things as I acted as if they were in my head. And we had set up some red stone stuff to surprise everyone. I trusted Dream, and he knew I was autistic. In fact, I think apart from Techno, he was one of the first ones I told. I suppose starting with the other neurodivergent people always makes it easier. Obviously ADHD and autism are quite different, but the idea of my brain not doing things how most people's do is the same with both. Anyway, I'm rambling again.

We sat in a call for a little bit before I started the stream, just running over the plan of what we were going to do. I find it helpful to have a clear plan; it keeps me on track and avoids me becoming stressed. So after talking, I quickly deafened and started my stream. Fallen down played with a black screen. Slowly a white smile (like dream's) appeared, with slightly see-through red and green versions over the top of it.

The music stopped and the screen cut to the panic room. Immediately, I started acting. At first, I had been impressed with how quickly I applied myself to acting. That was until I realised that I masked. I was basically acting my entire way through high school, of course I was alright at it. Anyway, rambling again, the stream started off well.

Chat was filled with cries and screams, and so many emotes. People were holding hands and so it was as expected. "I've been here for ages. It's sort of the only place I feel safe. Well, sort of safe. How safe can you really feel when all your worst dreams are in your head? I wish I could forget nightmares, not memories. Nightmares haunt me, and my lack of memories just does exactly the same thing! I wish I could remember."

My character began to talk about how Dream was in my head, like it felt like he was right next to me, even when I was all alone. "It feels like he's right next to me." I made my character punch the floor and the walls. "Like he's just there! And there! Peeking through windows, hiding around walls, following my every step. He just feels so close. And I want him to feel as far away as possible. It feels like he's in my head. He talks there all the time. His words take up the space that my memories don't fill. But he's not here." I took a deep breath and sighed, looking around my panic room. "He's not here. So why can't I remember that? Why does it feel like he's right there?"

I continued talking. Making it all up as I went. For someone who was good at rambling, speaking continually on something I know even the slightest bit about, is not difficult. It's actually one of my favourite things to do. So I continued, feeling everything around me become almost blurry. Weird.

Then things just started to get on top of me. I didn't understand why. It felt like everything was going well, nothing in particular stood out and worried me. But suddenly I was overwhelmed. And everything just seemed too much. Doing my best, I kept it together for another 10 minutes of stream. Things sort of fell apart from there.

Dream's POV:

I had noticed as soon as I joined the call with Ranboo before his stream, that he seemed  little off. I presumed he was just a little tired and got on with it. We were streamers: we were pretty much always tired and I trusted Ranboo to tell me if something was really up. Things were going well for the first half of the stream. Ranboo is an amazing actor, and chat were so excited to be getting some lore.

About halfway through our script, just as things with my side of it all were getting heated, he went quiet. Suddenly the stream was falling apart and I just did my best to save it. "Nothing to say Ranboo?" I sort of felt bad for continuing the lore when he might need help, but I wasn't sure what else to do.

"No, no. I'm fine. I'm," he paused. I heard the clicking of buttons. "I'm fine." My monitor that had the stream up flashed. The stream went black and then seemed to immediately end.  Ranboo was deafened in the discord call and I just sat their in confusion. Immediately I went to twitter, if the fans suspected anything, I needed to be quick to shut it down. Whilst twitter loaded, I send a few dm's to Ranboo, asking if he was ok, and to undeafen if he needed me. Twitter seemed to have loved the stream and most fans had been suspecting that Ranboo's character had 'fainted', hence the sudden ending.

I had been sat muted in the call for 5 minutes when hyperventilation joined the call. And I jumped into action, trying to help in whatever way I could.

A/n Hey. Thank you so much for reading. Early update for all the awesome readers! Sorry if this isn't too good, I've spent a while trying to work this one out, as it's felt really unnatural to write. Anyway, let me know what you thought of it. Obviously, part 2 will be out next, and I've got a 10 part (or longer) 50K special, coming up too for you all. Along with a load of other oneshots, which I'm super excited to write at some point. Lots of ideas all ready to be written. Right, enough about me, how was your day today? 

Reminder that you are an awesome human being, who is valid and kind and clever and special!