The Burden Of Love (Jonathan Toews)

Goodbye. 31

Jonathan

The partying after we won the cup lasted for days. It was bar after bar, beer after beer. Night after night something new, something fun, something maybe a little wreckless but what can you say? We have something special and this was the end of it. Might as well enjoy it.

Emilia joined me for a few nights but we got two kids at home and a summer filled of adventures, she avoided staying away too long. She let me have my fun but I always knew to come back to her at the end of the night. Be present in the kids life and take responsibility for my place in this world.

I lay in bed early this morning as I keep Emmy in my arms. I've been awake for a little bit but she was so peaceful I didn't want to disturb her. It was only a matter of time before Kenny was knocking on everyone's door demanding ice cream for breakfast but we still have a few more minutes of peace. I feel her start stir before smiling to myself. She rolls over and I pull her in closer so her body was tangled up with mine. Her eyes slowly open before meeting mine.

"Morning Sunflower" I say before she groans while doing a little stretch.

"Morning baby. How are you feeling today" she asks as she feels my forehead. This hangover was kicking my ass but at least I feel like I'm alive today.

"Better. How are you" I question. 

"Tired. But happy to have you home" she admits.

"I'm happy to be here" I admit.

I pull her into a long kiss as my fingers get tangled in her hair. No feeling topped this one she gives me right here. Just as soon as I think we're going to have a little fun her phone goes off from the night stand on the other side of the bed.

"Just my luck" I mumble as she starts to giggle. She rolls over in bed but nearly jumps when she looks at her phone.

"Who is it" I wonder.

"The assisted living home. They never call unless he's sick so I know it's not good" she admits.

She takes the phone off the charger before slipping out of bed. She pulls on a robe before heading to the bathroom. I know she needed some privacy right now but I had this bad feeling. I know he wasn't doing good and taking him to Boston probably wouldn't help him. But he's old, he's lived a blue collar life since the beginning of the 1900's. This world has shown him so much mercy and it couldn't hold out forever.

My awful suspicions were confirmed when the bathroom door flies open and Emmy had tears staining her face. I quickly jump out of bed before pulling her into my chest. I hold her close as she sobs.

"They don't think he's making it to the night" she cries as I feel my heart shatter. Even with all the warning in the world it didn't make this any easier.  That man was all she had left of her childhood. No siblings or parents or any kind of family that was there for her. George was it and now she had to say goodbye to him.

"Let's round up the kids and change and we will hang out with him for the rest of the day. He's not leaving this place without knowing how loved he is" I assure her.

"I don't... I don't know if I can. He raised me to be strong but I feel so weak knowing he'll be gone" she whispers.

"But you are strong Em. One of the strongest people I know, if not the strongest. But no amount of strength will allow you to heal if you don't get to tell him goodbye" I insist.

She silently nods her head before looking up at me. I wipe the tears from her face before new ones replace them. As much as this hurt me too I wanted to be strong for her. Be someone she can lean on. I know that I won't be able to hold it together much better than she can but right now I just want to make sure she's okay.

We get changed and load up the car before driving out to Wisconsin. The ride was quiet for the most part. We explained to the kids where we were going and why so the whole way over there was just soft music and sniffles. Emilia rested her head on the window looking out of it trying to figure out why this life seems to have it out for her. I can feel her pain just from sitting next to her. I can tell this, out of everything she had gone through, was going to be the hardest.

So I reach over and hold her hand because she wasn't going through this along. George was a staple in all of our lives. He was wise and funny and mildly inappropriate but he was also kind and nurturing and caring. Stood up for the people who didn't have a voice and accepted every single person. He was exactly what Emmy needed at all times and he will always be that. I hope she knows.

We get to the assisted living home and they take us back. His machines were gone and much of his stuff sat in the corner. A small smile comes on his face as he sees us all in the door frame. A tear sitting on his face as he looks us over.

"Wow, look at my beautiful family" he says weakly as a tear hits my cheek. I thought I could hold it together but god it was so hard. George had become a inspiration in my life. Someone I very much looked up to and I still had so much to learn. I didn't want to lose him now. "Are you guys gonna sit there and cry or are you going to come in" he teases.

"We didn't say the password" Emmy sniffles.

"It's okay. We don't need to say it becasue today, today we experience it" he admits.

We all walk in and sit around him on the bed. He looked worn, tired, broken by this world he lived in. He tried his best for 97 years to fix it. He fought in wars, fell in love, saved his granddaughter from a terrible life. He was many things but I think the biggest thing was he was infinate. Someone who will never truly die becasue he has people who love him so much they will never let the memories fade. The lessons will carry on until dozens of people knows what it means to be ephemeral and what we have to do to make our time on this earth worth it.

"Jonny" he says softly and I look up. His big brown eyes meet mine and I just knew I couldn't do this. "One of my greatest joys in life was meeting you. And I hope that you know that I am so thankful to have had you by my side. You made my last few months filled with dreams, with adventures. And I know you will continue to show Emmy what it truly means to be loved unconditionally. Because if you don't I'll haunt your ass" he says making me chuckle.

"Thank you George. For every lesson, every laugh. For raising the most incredible woman I know and for helping her find her way to me" I say as I wipe a tear.

Everyone says their goodbyes before it came time for him to go. He smiles one last time before closing his eyes. He passes away peacefully, with no pain and knowing that he did all he could to leave this world in a better place than when he entered. Knowing that his granddaughter was more than loved. She was someone that so many cannot live without. That's all you can ask from this life. Endless love. Because of him kids in this city has hope. Has dreams. And I promise to never let anything he did die.