The Burden Of Love (Jonathan Toews)

Infinite. 17

Emilia

As this year drags on I have to face the fact that my grandpa wasn't making it to the end. I was hoping to at least make it to his birthday but I know time isn't on my side. Never seemed to be. With each conversation and each visit I see his eye open up less and less. His words get more breathy and he seemed to drift off. I wasn't ready to let him go but if we were being honest I never would be ready for that.

He was all I had left. My whole life the only people who continually gave a damn about me was my grandma and grandpa. Losing grandma was hard enough but I least I still had pops around. When he's gone I'm left alone and that scared the hell out of me.

I decide to come visit him as much as I can now. Most afternoons Kenny and I go eat dinner with him and watch Jonnies games on tv. Jonny comes with us as much as he can just to be there for him. My grandfather was very fond of Jon and Jonny loved hearing grandpa's stories. Though his health is going his mind is still in great shape. And I know he's still with us until his body gives out.

We all pile into his room as he wakes up from a nap. His blood pressure has been dropping recently and they don't know why. They think his body is just starting to shut down because after nearly a century of fighting he was finally tired.

"What's the password" he mumbles as he sits up.

"Grandpa were already in here" I giggle.

"Incorrect" he smirks making me roll my eyes.

"Ephemeral" I laugh making him smile.

"Okay you're good. For now" he accuses.

He and Jonny get to talking like always and I show Kenneth some old picture of his best friend he dug up. There isn't much in this life my grandpa hasn't done and I know when his time comes he will feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that he did so much to make this world a better place. Kenny, Jon and I will do everything we can to make sure what he did is known. To never forget all he has done for his country, for his family and for his wife.

"Why is great grandpa George upside down in this picture" Kenny asks pointing to a black and white photos of a young George Phillips doing a headstand on a surfing board while he was surfing a wave.

"There wasn't much common sense back then. Or now" I mumble.

"I was and am awesome" my grandpa corrects.

"Nothing says cool like breaking your neck then drowning in the ocean" I counter.

"I lived life on the edge. And it has been a pretty great life" he reminds me.

"That it has" I agree.

Eventually Kenneth wanted to work on the puzzle they started and Jonny helps him. I sit next to the bed with my grandpa as we watch them from afar. He pats the spot right next to him and I climb on in so I was laying next to him. He reaches out his hand and I grab it with mine. His hand was freezing and I can see the bruising from his IV. He felt weak and frail and it broke my heart.

"I know all things in life are ephemeral, but why do you have to go" I ask.

"No one is meant to stay peanut. I learned that when I lost your grandmother. And I wish I had time to tell her how much I loved her like you get to tell me every day. And I wish I could have held her a little longer like you are with me now. But sometimes the things in life we hold nearest to our heart was never ours to keep.

People don't last forever. Material things even less so. But love... love is infinite. My love for you will never die, even when I'm gone. Every time you go on a walk or think about something for someone else I will be right beside you. My 25 years with you, they were the best of my life. I hate that my son failed you and I wish your mother could see you now. She would be so proud. But if it wasn't for them I never would have found you and there would have never been a reason for me to stay pass when your grandmother left.

Instead you showed me a kind of love I've never felt before. I am so so proud of this wonderful woman you've become. I look at what you've made with Kenneth and Jonny and at the school and I know that you're going to be more than okay without me. I know you think you need me but you don't. And there is nothing you can do that I won't be right next to you the whole time.

Our code word might be ephemeral but this... it's infinite" he says.

I wipe a tear off my cheek as a smile forms on my face. A soft sigh passes my lips as I shake my head.

"I am so lucky to be loved by you" I admit.

"I'm the lucky one. Looking around this room right now, it reminds me a lot of Mary and I when we were younger. I was wreckless and she was my anchor. Jonny is dangerous and you are his saftey net. The was he looks at you, like he's never seen anything better, it warms my heart. I know that once I'm gone you'll still have two wonderful men in your life loving you" he claims.

"I don't know if Jonny loves me" I defend.

"I know for a fact he does" he argues.

"He told you" I ask.

"No. He showed me" he smiles.

"How did he do that" I wonder.

"When he was over here talking to me we weren't talking about hockey or the weather, we were talking about you. He showed me pictures of the vacation you guys went on, him secretly visiting your school to talk about plants, the things he has up in his apartment just to remind him of you. Emmie you are to him what Mary was to me. Everything. If that isn't love then love isn't real" he claims.

I smile to myself as I look over at Jon. He was already looking at me making my cheek flare up. I've been wanting to tell him that I loved him for a little while now but it's been hard. So much is going on but the best parts of it all had been him.

"I don't want to lose you but I'm so happy I won't be alone" I admit.

"I am confident that you are in the best hands out there" he agrees.