The Burden Of Love (Jonathan Toews)

Positives .42

Jonathan

With so much going on in everyone's life's right now I decide that we needed a little get away. A few hours to be as close to a normal family as we can. So we dress up in our favorite fall attire and head out to the pumpkin patch. Emmy wanted some little pumpkins for her room and around the apartment. She already bought decorations and fun carving shapes we just needed the pumpkins.

So we drive on out to the nearest pumpkin patch and look around. Ken crawls into the little red wagon and Emmy pulls him around. I hang back with Jasmine as we look at the acres of pumpkins.

I notice she had been quiet most of the way over, like she's afraid to talk. She dodged a lot of Emmy's questions and shuts down quicker than usual. It could be that she's stressed about starting a new school or not hearing from her mom for a while. We've been all over the place recently I feel like we haven't had a heart to heart for a while.

So I pull her to the side and we find a little place to sit. There was pumpkins for acres around so it's not like we won't find one. I was more interested in finding out what's going on this complex mind of hers.

"Hey Jas, is everything okay" I start.

"I'm fine" she grumbled as I let out a sigh. I might not have raised a kid but I know when a kid needs to talk. And she needed to get it out bad.

"If you don't tell me what's wrong I'll make Emmy try and give you the puberty talk again. She made flash cards this time" I tell her.

She tries to hide a smile but it cracks through. "That's just mean" she accuses.

"I'm just trying to get you to open up. I'll go to any lengths to make sure you're okay. Any" I say seriously.

"Okay okay. I'm struggling in middle school and I'm scared to tell Emmy. She wants so bad for me to use what I learned last year to help me through and it has. More than she knows she has helped me transition to middle school far easier than someone from another class. Prepared me for the things life throws at me. But it's hard to apply what I already know to something so new to me. The girls are mean and I hate changing in the locker room and then the food somehow got worse. Didn't even know that was possible. But I don't want her to worry about me. I can tell how much she wants me to be happy about starting middle school but it honestly sucks" she sighs.

"I get it" I nod. "I can only imagine what it's like to be one of her students. She holds you guys so high it's scary to look down. Especially when you look down and she's not there anymore holding you up. But I'm sure if you talked to her she would understand. She was a kid once too. Had a lot of the same fears you once did."

"It's not just that though. The kids are making fun of me because she's my care taker or guardian or whatever label you want to put on it. Talking about how my mom didn't want me so Emilia had to take me. I know that's not all that happened, but it still hurts" she sighs.

"I need the name of every single kid you're talking about. Their grade, what their home room is and their parents number" I state as she laughs.

"What? You're going to beat them up" she asks.

"Of course not! I can't beat up kids... can I" I ask as she starts to shake her head.

"No. Even if you did I don't think it would change anything. It's the way they think, not everyone gets to go through Emmy and it's unfortunate. The world needs more teachers like her. But she can only help 30 kids at a time, middle school is twice as big with half the grades and the institution is still struggling. Only now we have to figure it out on our own. It's impossible" she admits.

"Sometimes I wish I was like Emmy and always know what to say. She is so great, always has something that can help.

I guess all I can say it to keep your energy on the positives. Sure lunch sucks but you get to choose where to eat. See old friends and talk about whatever pre teens talk about. Maybe changing in the locker room is awful but at least the dress code is gone. And it's a few minutes of peace before going back to class.

As for the kids... fuck them. I would say that it'll go away but I know grown men who still think like middle school boys. If you keep your energy on the positives and realize that you are blessed enough to have two families then it couldn't be too bad" I explain.

"That's actually good advice" Jasmine claims and I smile big.

"Really" I squeal as she giggles.

"Yeah. Thanks, dad" she nods.

I get butterflies all in my stomach as I smile like a idiot. "I'm gonna cry" I whimper.

"Don't ruin the moment" she teases.

"Nope I'm crying" I sniffle.

She pulls me into a hug and I happily hug her back. Out of all the moments we've shared, this is my favorite.

We join the mother-son dynamic duo and continue to look at pumpkins. Once we all pick up two that we like we get to clean them and Emmy has us take pictures. I was never one to get into the fall spirit, never really knew what it meant. But after having a heart to heart in a pumpkin patch I think I like this fall vibe.

Once the pumpkins were cleaned and loaded up into the trunk we head back into the city. We get all the pumpkins up and prepped for decoration. Emmy plays music softly as the kids change so they don't get their nice clothes ruined.

"Is everything okay with Jas" Emmy asks and I smile.

"Yeah. I think she's going to be just fine. There's some changes that's she's still adapting to, still working on fully understanding. But she's a smart girl, she is honest and smart and I think she's going to figure out all life hands her" I nod my head.

"You really really care for her, don't you" she accuses.

"I do. She is a wonderful kid. Got a smile that just melts your inside. I know life's only gonna get harder for her from here on out. I just hope she will be okay" I sigh.

"She will be. She's got you" she smiles.