The Burden Of Love (Jonathan Toews)

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Jonathan

It's been a rough few days. The team was fine and I was playing well. I just got added to team Canada for the Olympics in a few months and should honestly be in a pretty great mood. But I was still adjusting to coming home and not seeing Jasmine sitting in the kitchen making treats or her playing video games with Ken. Ken misses her a lot too, we all do. Adjusting has been hard but I know we will be okay.

"Jonny" Emilia calls as she comes into the apartment. It was a cold December day and she took Ken shopping this morning. We had some plans for their winter break but that wasn't for a while. For now we're just living out our days as a family of three.

I hop off the chair I was occupying in the kitchen and head to the living room. I see Emilia taking the layers of coats off that I believe has Ken held hostage in the middle.

"Hey babe, how bad it is out there" I ask.

"As soon as I find Ken I'll let you know"'she teases as I chuckle.

His head pops up making me smile. He looks around for a second before finding me. Before Emmy can even undress him he waddles over to me and falls at my feet.

"Hi dad" he smiles up at me and it just warms my heart. Losing Jasmine was hard but knowing that Ken was ours made me the happiest dad in the world.

"Hey Buddy. Did you have fun shopping" I wonder.

"Yeah, but I had more fun talking to Jasmine" he admits and my eyes grow wide.

"You talked to Jas" I gasp.

"Well it was supposed to be a surprise" Emmy warns as Kenny gives her the "I'm sorry mom" eyes.

"Why? What's going on" I wonder.

"I had a long, long conversation with Jasmines mom about her being with us for a week in February. She said no at first but once I told her it was for the Olympics and her family could come along her mom changed her mind. So Jasmine will be with us in Sochi" Emmy claims.

"No way" I cheer.

"Yes way. Jas loves traveling and you can't go to a big game like that without your good luck charm" she claims making me smile.

"You're absolutely right" I agree.

We free Ken from his coat cage and he washes up for lunch. I help Emilia bring in everything she got at the store which felt like it was the store. She went a little over board with the Christmas stuff but It was nice to see her take to something. I haven't seen her this excited for something since her grandpa passed. And I know this holiday means a lot to her and this is her first one without him. I wanted to make sure that Christmas magic was still there.

"I was thinking we start a Christmas tradition" I say as we start putting up the tree. We had to have fake ones for the apartment complex didn't allow real trees but it was still a whopping seven foot tree.

"I love traditions. What were you thinking" she wonders.

"We have a day dedicated to nothing but decorating the apartment or house or wherever we are with Christmas decorations while listening to Christmas music. We can make candies and watch Christmas movies. No thinking about hockey or school or life in general. A day where we shut everything down and we just get to be together.

I feel like there's so much time spent preparing for Christmas that when the day comes we never get to enjoy it. We don't get to appreciate what this holiday offers. So for a day we emmerse ourselves in all that we can and nothing or nobody can take that from us" I say.

"That honestly sounds amazing" Emmy smiles.

"Then it's settled. This is our first ever Pre-Christmas Christmas" I announce.

Ken joins us in the decorating the tree. Emmy got gold and red ornaments that were very pretty. A beautiful angel goes on the top and we let Ken put it up there while he sits on my shoulders. Once we turned on the lights and take a step back we admire our work. It wasn't perfect but it was still pretty great. I think we did good.

After the tree was filled with decorations we hang up the stockings and make a little mess with the fake snow around the window. Making memories is important to me, this is my first Christmas with a family of my own and I want it to be perfect. If today is any indication it will be.

Once the apartment looked and smelled like a winter wonderland we head to the kitchen. Like me Emilia likes to make things that are good for you but not a lot of holiday things are healthy. So we try out best with the cookies and try to eat in moderation. They picked up some fun cookie cutters and I was excited to decorate. It got messy but it took my mind off things. For the first time since Jas left I didn't feel like part of me was missing, I was fulfilled once again and it was thanks for Em and Ken.

It ends up getting late so I take Ken to bed. I tuck him in and I rest my hand on his shoulder. "You're growing up too fast, I need you to slow down" I tell him.

"But I wan to grow big and strong like you" he tries.

"Then you shouldn't have eaten ten cookies" I tease as I mess up his hair.

"Mom shouldn't have made them taste so good" he defends.

"Yes. Let's blame this one on her. She doesn't get in trouble much" I laugh.

"You know she loves you a lot, right" he asks.

"I do. And I love her a lot too. I love you just as much" I promise.

"And Jasmine" he wonders making me smile.

"And Jasmine" I nod.

"I miss her. I wish she could stay forever like me" he says.

"Yeah bud, I know how you feel. I miss her too. But she needs her family like we need ours. And she will always be a part of our family but her mom and her siblings love her a lot too. So we have to share" I try to explain.

"Can I be honest" he asks and I nod. "Sometimes I don't like sharing" he admits as I smile.

"Me neither kiddo. But we'll have a lot of fun in Sochi. We can try all the food and go on all the rides they have. It'll be fun" I promise.

"Works for me" he smiles.