The Burden Of Love (Jonathan Toews)

Hope .53

Emilia

Even though when I was growing up I didn't have many friends, as I get older I realize that that friends aren't necessary but should be appreciated. To have someone to go to when Jon isn't around, someone I can complain about the kids to when they're simply driving me crazy.

So when I was invited to a hockey girlfriend and wife dinner I couldn't turn it down. Last season they didn't know I existed until the Bruins series not giving me a lot of time to hang out. A few of the girls I did know moved on to another team and there was some new faces around. I was excited to see people who have a idea what home life is like in the NHL even though I'm one of the few that still work.

I meet up with everyone at the Seabrooks house as we just make a nice dinner and hang out. The boys were out in Anehiem and the kids were with a sitter. So it was just me and the girls tonight.

"Did you really disarm a active shooter at school" Patrick's girlfriend Amanda asks me.

"It's not a active shooter if the gun was on saftey the entire time and never fired" I shake my head. "They make it seem more extreme than it was to make the story circulate. I haven't been doing any of the interviews because it wasn't really a problem. The kid was in a dark place and he wanted his pain to manifest into something, he thought that was the answer but I assured him it wasn't."

"Were you scared" Brent's wife Dayna asks.

But I just shake my head as a frustrated sigh passes my lips. "I was kind of numb in that moment. There's a million scenarios that play out in your head and you're not sure which plays out the way you want it too. I took a leap of faith and luckily nothing happened. He handed the gun over and now he is getting the help he needs" I say.

"How do you find such hope in places like that when things seem so... hopeless" Sharpy's wife Abby questions.

"That's the million dollar question, isn't it? How do I look my kids in their eyes and convince them to go back to school knowing that there's a small chance they might not come home? How do I look that kid in the eyes and tell him that we need hope instead of hate in our hearts?

Hope is tricky because it can be misleading. It causes us to hold on when we need to let go. It can be a burden carrying it around when in reality hope was never going to get us where we need to be. But without hope there no heros or athletes or incredible human beings. Without hope there's nothing.

So when we feel like we have nothing left, I pray there is still hope. Then there's still a chance that everything will be okay" I try.

"You said you're just a teacher" Dayna questions as I laugh.

"Yeah. Not a normal one but I have a lot of passion when it comes to lessons. Especially ones you can't find in a book" I nod.

"How are your kids doing with all of it" Amanda wonders. She and Ken had a good relationship, whenever they're around the make it a point to say hi and catch up. So I know her concern for the kids were genuine.

"They're doing better than Jon. They weren't around at the time, Ken was in art and Jasmine was a block away in a different school. The lock down was scary but once I told them what had happened they were okay. Jasmines a little shaken, she has a better understanding of what could have happened. Ken didn't even want to leave school" I shake my head.

"And what about you? How are you" Abby asks as she places a hand on my shoulder. I smile before nodding my head.

"I'm pretty good. I got Jon to calm down and be okay with leaving us so I think we'll be fine" I admit.

"He really loves you, you know" Dayna asks making me blush.

"Yeah. I've been around since the beginning and I never would have thought that Captain Serious would be so head over heels in love" Abby claims.

"Hope is powerful. Brings out in people what was once thought to be impossible. I never believed I would want a life and a family outside of what I knew. But there was a whole new world filled with love and adventure out there. I just needed to hold out on hope a little longer and it worked out" I insist.

"Yeah, I see why he's so crazy about you" Amanda claims and I laugh.

"Says the girl who asked for my number right affair she nearly ran me over" I accuse.

"Life has a weird way of putting people together" she admits.

"That it does. But I'm happy I get to be here with you guys. I've never really belonged anywhere. I was abandoned and ignored all my life then all of the sudden I have two kids who don't want to know a life without me and a boyfriend who loves me beyond comprehension. Now I have you guys who I consider friends, who I would trust with my life and all the things I put my hope in. I feel blessed to be put together with you all" I smile.

"We're happy to have you a part of us. Your presence certainly makes life a lot more interesting. You have a job and you're out here picking up kids who need help. It'll be nice to get away from hockey and actually talk about stuff that isn't gossip" Dayna giggles.

"Happy I can help" I tease.

We sit around and eat dinner together. While this was fun and I hope we can do this a lot more I missed my kids and Jon and I was ready to go home.

So I pick them up from the baby sitters and get everyone up to the apartment. I tuck in Ken and face time Jon so he can pray with him before bed.

"When are you doing good be home" Ken asks his dad.

"As soon as I possibly can" Jon promises.

"Well I hope you come home soon. I missed you" Kenny tells him.

"I miss you too Buddy" Jon insists.

I let Jasmine talk to him a little before coming into the bedroom. I lay down as I just look at him through the screen. "I don't get how those women do it" I admit.

"Do what" he wonders.

"Survive with you guys gone all the time" I insist.

"Well a lot of them don't work so they don't have to worry about seeing each other as much. But I believe in spending a little time with the right person. So for you it's all worth it. Coming home and being in your embrace, it motivates me every second we're apart. I'll do anything just to be with you again" he says making me smile.

"I hoped you felt that way" I tease.