The Burden Of Love (Jonathan Toews)

Change. 13

Emilia

Before we go out on our adventures around the country I had to finish up the winter quarter. Spring break was always a fun time but for a lot of these kids not being able to come to school for a while was not a good thing. It's where they got meals and got to learn about how to survive outside these walls. I feel for the kids who find peace within this classroom. This was my safe place too and I didn't want to leave. Knowing you belong somewhere or to do something is a great feeling, it just sucks when you can't do it for a while. But I know my kids will be okay, they're strong. They show me every day their creative problem solving and intuitive thinking. I have faith in my class.

"Miss Emilia, can I steal you for a few minutes" principle Johnson asks as she peaks her head in the door. I tell the kids to pull out a book and quietly read and they do so. James reads to Kenneth and I knew he was in good hands.

I walk out the door and close it behind me. I turn to Mrs. Johnson with a smile on my face. "How can I help" I wonder.

"I'm actually here because of a few complaints I've gotten about you" she tells me as my smile runs away from my face. My shoulders drop as I try to think about who I may have upset. I know not everyone will like me, I know there people who already don't, but not to the point to complain.

"I'm so sorry, what did I do wrong" I ask.

"Nothing, per say. It's just that some of the teachers are concerned about your teaching styles" she starts.

"I don't do anything wrong. I follow curriculum and sure I might do things differently but it's working. Look at the kids who I taught who are in middle school now. Ask any of those kids what they learned within these walls and you will see it's something more than you will ever find in a book" I defend.

"And I have no problems with that. In fact your class constantly has the best test scores of the whole school and the parents and kids have nothing but the best things to say about you. It's just that the other teachers feel like they have to compete with you. You spend your money on the kids and they don't. You do projects and lessons that they don't. They just feel like you're doing too much" she says.

"I'm not backing down from my kids because others refuse to step up. That's like telling people in the olympics to run slower so the other countries don't feel so left behind. It's insane to ask someone to stop giving children the education and the care they need simply because others don't want to try harder" I argue.

"I get it, I do. But not everyone has the resources you do" she tries.

"But they do. My budget is the exact same as everyone else. Sure I might pull a few extra dollars from the money I have put back but that's not even the part they're complaining about. The difference between them and me isn't what we have but what we do with what we have" I try.

"What about the winter care packages" she accuses.

I step down for a second before a frustrated sigh passes my lips. "Is that what all of this is about? Me clothing and caring for my kids" I ask.

"Part of it, yes" she admits.

"I'm sorry but I'm not going to stop. So many people have given up on those kids, my kids, I'm not going to be one of them. They all mean the world to me, you know that. And I don't do these things in spite of other teachers. If they want some help to make their home rooms feel more like a safe place or feel like they need help in providing things for their kids I'm more than willing to do so. I've made it known that I will help anyone who needs it including the teachers. But I will not step back, and I will not step down. Especially not to make others feel better about the fact they don't teach in a way that makes kids want to be in class" I say.

"Yeah, I figured that's how this was going to go" she shakes her head.

"I am sorry. I don't mean anyone any issues. But I'm not letting people tell me I care too much" I defend.

"I for one love what you do. I wish everyone was like you. But they're not and it's not they're fault that they're not" she reminds me.

"It's not these kids' fault they're here either, but we deal with that layer by layer. Maybe that's what some of the other staff here should do" I suggest.

"I'll let them know" she nods.

She leaves me be and I finish up my day. I grab Ken and we head on home. It's been a long day and I was still pretty upset about earlier. This break couldn't have come at a better time. I decide to call Jonathan and gossip with him like always. He knew all my pet peeves about school already and he loved to hear the drama.

"I'm sorry... they asked you to what" he asks over the phone.

"To stop doing things I don't need to be doing for these kids. But if I don't who will" I ask.

"I'm with you Em. Them asking you to stop being a good teacher is pretty shitty. I know teachers are underpaid but it doesn't cost to be kind" he says.

"Exactly!! I have tried so many times to share my ideas, share my wealth with others but they ignore me. Say I'm doing too much and that it doesn't make a difference what we do. But it does, I've seen the difference it makes even when it's minimal. Why should everyone suffer because some refuse to try" I sigh.

"I'm sorry this happened to you baby. But you have to know that you did the right thing. Maybe one day they will see what you did. Maybe someone you once taught will come back and tell you just how much you changed their lives and they'll see why you do what you do. Until then you can't let them pull you down just because they can't reach. You keep on going far and put pressure on them to keep up. Then all of them will be making a positive difference in people's lives" he insists.

"I wish everyone thought like you" I admit.

"I'm borderline insane. But I also know a good thing when I see it and you're just that. I don't care what people say, you're doing it right" he assures me.

"So what should I do" I sigh.

"Everything you can. That's always been the plan and I don't think it should change. Change doesn't come from you being less than you can be. I know that much" he says.

"You're right. Just wish they could see that" I shake my head.

"Me too. But things like this seldom change. You just can't be the one to change either" he says.

"I'll try my best" I promise.