The Burden Of Love (Jonathan Toews)

Walking. 32

Jonathan

Now that its July and the summer was officially here a lot was changing. I had plans for my day with the cup and of course a vacation. The previous season was now in the past and it's on to new things. Maybe not bigger and better things for it will be hard to top what transpired last season but certainly newer.

And before all of that we had to lay George to rest. All of his plans were set, he had some time to think about his funeral. Where he wanted his money to go and who gets what. It wasn't that extravagant of a list, all his personal stuff went to Emilia along with another good chunk of change to the same savings account his wife had opened for Emmy when she passed. He also put money away for Ken and Jas to go to college if that's what they want. Much of his stuff was donated to people who could use it and he gave me all his sports things he's collected in his almost century of life which was cool. But I would give it all up if it meant I had a few more moments with him.

I sit in my room in a all black suit as we get ready for the burial. It's been a really rough week for us. We went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows fairly quickly. In a way it was helpful for the news of me having a girlfriend and us taking in two kids wasn't really the medias main concern right now. Most people didn't have much time to criticize once they realized her grandpa has passed and it hit me hard. I feel kind of lost without him and that's after only knowing him for a little while. Kenny lost his pen pal and Jasmine lost her best friend. Emilia, she lost everything and I didn't even know what to say to her. What words fit together to make it seem like this life isn't one big build up to death so we have to learn how to live without each other eventually. It sucks.

I sit there and twirl the ring he gave me around my finger. It was his wedding band he still wore even after his wife passed. It had a real Diamond in it and I assured him it would be bettter off pawned for money instead of sitting on my finger. We can give the money to a shelter or help kids like Jas and Ken. But he insisted I keep it, to help me remind me all that he stood for. Justice. Equality. Happiness. Fun.

Love.

I feel something on my shoulder and I look up to see Emilia standing behind me with her hand sitting there. She looked painfully good in a short black dress, her hair curled perfectly and just the right amount of makeup on. I hate that she looked so beautiful and I hated why even more.

"Wanna go for a little walk" she offers. "Grandpa always said walking heals the soul."

"I could use some fresh air" I admit.

So we tell the kids to hang tight for a little and they end up reading in Jasmine's room. We head out and around the block as we find some open space. Our feet hit the ground as neither of us say anything. I didn't know what to say. If I felt this bad I could only imagine how she felt. I want to believe I was enough now even with her grandpa gone she felt like being here was worth it. But I'm not so sure that's true.

"I'm sorry if it seems like I haven't been talking to you, I just... I don't know what to say" I say softly.

"What do you think you should say" she asks me.

"I don't know. That everything is going to be okay. That he lived a whole life full of the most fulfilling things. That he only left because he believed that you were going to be okay" I list off.

"Do you not believe those things" she questions.

"I know he said he didn't want to go until he knew that you would be okay. He gave me this ring believing that now that I wear it I am what keeps you anchored. What will keep you happy and healthy. But those are big shoes to fill. I can wear his ring but I won't ever be him" I sigh.

"I don't want you to be my grandpa. There will never be a man like him and I have come to terms with that. I think he knew that whoever has that ring means a whole lot to me. And it represents the best kind of love we can ever find. Sometimes it's hard to hold on to, but it's still worth it" she explains.

"I don't want to let you down" I admit. She grabs my hand before pulling me into her.

"You can't Jon. In my mind you are whoever you want to be. So there is no mold and no bar. Whoever you are, wherever you are, I want you and I want to be with you. You're not my grandpa but you're still someone I love dearly. Someone I want to share my life with.

Grandpa and I liked to go on walks because he always told me we chose who we walk this earth with. We can find someone who makes miles seem like minutes or we can be miserable trying to figure out when the walk is over. It's not always about where we are walking rather just the walking" Emmy says. I smile to myself because it sounded like George. I still have so much to learn from him sad I still have someone very special to help me learn.

"How are you doing" I wonder.

"I've been better" she admits. "I think seeing this coming has helped a little. And you were right, having the opportunity to say goodbye helped heal a lot of wounds. But they're still there, they still hurt. It'll heal in time and it might leave a scar. I'm okay with that. I just want to know that I won't lose anyone else who loves me" she whispers.

I press a soft kiss to her nose before pulling her into my chest. "I have the ring now so it's me who will represent our love. I'll never take it off, wear it as a necklace to games and on my finger every other chance. And when people ask about it I'll tell them about grandpa george. The peace loving veteran who fought for civil rights and got to see all of the Blackhawks championships" I tease making her giggle.

"So you ready to grab the kids and head to the plot then" she wonders.

"As ready a I'll ever be" I sigh.

The service was short and Emilia gave a beautiful speech. Kenny and Jasmine say their goodbyes and it all starts to set in for us. We have to figure everything out on our own now. I hope we're ready.