The Burden Of Love (Jonathan Toews)

Worth .45

Emilia

With the school year under way and all the pressure of trying to shape these children's lives I decide that I needed some back up today. I know it's early but I don't want kids to get tired of hearing one voice all day every day. There's so many voices in this world that we need to listen to and we don't have smart boards or projectors to do lessons from YouTube and there's a lot of new voices that talk about what pertains to these kids directly instead of how to ration during the Cold War or to not die of tuberculosis. They need to hear something they can relate to, that they feel.

So Jonny agrees to come to school for a day. It's been a long time since he's been a fifth grader but I trust he can get through the day. He even prepared a lesson plan and was learning all the kids names. It was cute how hard he tries.

"This is a lot of kids" he mentions as they all find their seats. I'm sure they have a million questions and we're excited to meet Jon.

"The district keeps accepting kids but refuses to expand the school and it's materials. Makes things hard but not impossible" I admit.

"Nothing's impossible for you" he claims and I roll my eyes. Now he's just saying things.

Jon introduced himself and starts taking questions. Of course it was mostly Lemond grilling Jonny about hockey and naturally those two hit it off. Lemond reminds me of a Patrick Kane who also finds himself in the dog house more often than not but really means well. Gifted people are always a handful but we find a way. There's always a way.

I see a hand go up in the back and I raise my eyebrows. Kathrine is a very quite kid. Her mom thinks she has some form of autism because she doesn't respond or interact very well. But I've taught many kids with learning disabilities in my life. Not just ADD or ADHD but some forms of autism too. She wasn't displaying those signs but rather finding her voice and what to use it on.

"Katherine" Jonny calls on her.

"Are you and Miss Emmy going to get married" she asks and I start to laugh. They're still at the age where they believe that marriage is as easy as I do. Must be nice.

"If it's up to me, yeah" he claims and I nearly choke. This is news to me.

"So you guys never fight then" Kathrine wonders.

"Miss Emmy and I don't see eye to eye on everything. We don't fight each other but we challenge each other. Both of us come from a place of love so if we disagree we're not tearing each other down and we're not trying to be right. That's not the goal here. We challenge each other to see something from a different light" Jonathan explains.

"What don't you see eye to eye on" Katherine wonders.

"Not many things. It's small stuff like what to wear out and how much we should spoil the kids.

One thing we had to work out recently was Emmy's job. I think she does way more than she is paid for here. And I'm not trying to take her away from you guys or have her do less, I was challenging her to see her worth. Realize there's not enough money in the world they can give her that can account for what she does for you guy. I wanted to come in today to spend more time with her and see things from her perspective too. Try to get a few ideas for why she does what she does.

In my eyes she is worth more than anyone can afford and that's okay. But she is trying to give you guys the world and I just want her to be able to be a part of that world. Not get so caught up considering many people will never appreciate all that she is" Jonathan says.

A soft sigh passes my lips as I recall this conversation. It's not one of my favorites but I was over worked and Jon didn't like it. He has every right to remind me that school is important to me but not everything. I love that he voiced his concern to me and let me know he was feeling under appreciated. It let me know that I was over doing it again and I needed to take a step back.

"So what happened? Did you guys fight" Lemond asks as I shake my head.

"No, not at all. I realized that this place is important to me, but so is Jonathan. And his feelings came from a place of justification. There was a reason he was feeling that way and I had the power to do something about it. So I took a step back and stopped trying to be so controlling of this place. Let him be a part of this because he is a big part of me too. I need to realize that I'm just a woman doing the best she can, but nothing more. I know my worth and I know I'll never get it from this place. That's okay because I have someone at home who does know my worth and he appreciates it. Tells me every day" I smile.

"So when's the wedding" Katherine asks and I just shake my head. Thought I got away with this when grandpa passed, I see I was wrong.

"Marriage isn't just being in love. It's so much more than that. But I believe Jon and I have all the things it takes to get married, one day" I insist.

"Yeah. If we get married now then you're going to need a substitute teacher for a while and I don't want to take her form you guys" Jon teases.

"Oh, we don't want a sub" Lemond admits. Glad he finally came around.

After the Q and A he tried his hand in teaching a lesson about eating right and exercise. Something I'm sure I should leave up to the PE teachers but none of them have two Stanley cups and a gold medal. After that was quiet reading and lunch where Jon and I enjoyed a salad in the classroom.

"When we're you going to tell me that we were getting married" I ask.

His eyes get big as he just stares at me. "I mean, I thought since we've been together so long and we live together and have kids together it would make sense. We haven't talked about it but I know I don't want to live my life with anyone else. And I don't want to do it alone either. I want you" he claims as I smile.

"I just didn't peg you as the type to get married" I admit.

"I wasn't. But you're someone worth giving my all too. And I plan on doing just that. That is if you want to get married" he tries.

"I do" I smirk.

"Wait" he says setting down the fork.

"I do want to get married Jon. I wasn't accepting that half ass proposal if that's what you're worried about" I assure him as he lets out a sigh.

"Good. Because I can do a way better proposal" he insists.

"I'm sure you can" I giggle.