The Burden Of Love (Jonathan Toews)

Closure .33

Emilia

As we prepare for the rest of our lives I focus on getting closure from what is now behind me. Every person and relic from my childhood was now gone, I was all that's left. And honestly it was scary. I didn't know of a life without my grandparents. My grandpa was everything to me and now that he's gone I felt hollow. Empty. Broken.

Jon took the kids to the amusement park today giving me much needed alone time. I can sort my thoughts and feelings and plan ahead. So I go through all the pictures, the clothes and other material things he had left behind. The scent of him was still in his clothes and it gave me sense of comfort. I smile as I look back at the simpler times. Remember the feeling I had when he would tell me I meant the world to him.

I see a envelope fall out of a pile of shirts as I furrow my eyebrows. It had my name on it but I haven't seen it before. So I set the pictures and clothing aside and pick up the envelope. I slowly open it before grabbing the piece of paper that was inside. I see my grandpas handwriting and smile to myself. He loved his letters but for the past few months he had been writing to Ken and I've never had something addressed to me. But the date on the top corner was from a few weeks ago so it had to have been stashed away. Maybe he never meant to give it to me, maybe he lost it. I wasn't sure but I was more than ready to see what was in it.

"My dearest Emilia,

I remember when my son brought you over for the weekend so we could watch you, you were just a wee thing, four years old and so full of energy and spirit. I thought to myself "what am I going to do to keep her entertained for a whole weekend?" Well a weekend turned into a few more days, then weeks and months. I expected your dad to stop by, check in on you, something. But we never heard from him again, and I'm so glad we didn't.

We didn't do it right with your dad but we got a second chance with you. I full heartedly believe in second chances for no one gets it right the first time around. Sure, we weren't ready to care for you. All of the sudden we had another mouth to feed and we had to get you into school and it was more than apparent that you were gifted. I barley got through high school, I didn't know to support you and your dreams past that. All I wanted was to give you my all.

Your grandma and I, the greatest part of our lives was raising you. I remember waiting for you to come off the bus, you would run into our arms and show us your school papers. Straight A's and nothing but the best art work to go on the fridge. Watching you grow and learn, it was a honor. It's been a blessing walking this earth with you. I hope you keep walking until you too reach the final destination.

The only reason I held on for so long was to make sure you will be okay. I have been more than ready to return to your grandma's side, I'm old and tired. But I wasn't ready to let you go yet. So worried you'll spend your whole life in that school fixing everyone else's problems that you'll never know the pure joy of sharing your life with someone you care about. But now you have three people who would jump in front of a bullet for you. I know that in my absence you will still feel a sense of belonging. And that's more than I could ask for.

No matter how or when you get this letter my love for you will be the greatest thing I've known. Even after I take my last breath that statement will be true. I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to hear all about your adventures when we see each other again.

Much Love,
Georgie Boy."

I wipe the tears from my eyes as I shake my head. It was hard for him to write as he got to the end. He never wanted to stop but his hands weren't working like they once did. But he found a way to write to me and Kenny up until he couldn't write any more and it warmed my heart. His words, more than anyone's in this world, were powerful and pure. And I'm so happy he shared them with me.

I finish going through all of his things and set them to the side. I had a storage unit I was going to keep a lot of his things in until they're of some use to me. There was lots of papers and things from my childhood I think might come in handy one day.

Jon and the kids come home and Kenny immediately jumps into my arms. He's been very clingy lately not that I'm complaining. I think he is finally accepting that this is home now and all I want is what is best for him. For the both of them. And even when times are rough like they are now I will still want to see him. Hear him call me mom and hear about his day.

They wash up for dinner and I head to the kitchen to get started. I feel Jon's arms wrap around me and I smile. "How are you doing today" he wonders.

"I'm hurt. I got as much closure as I can from letters and pictures but it still hurts" I admit.

"Letters" he asks.

"Yeah. I found one stashed with some of his shirts from a few weeks ago addressed to me. It was... it was beautiful. Pretty much gave me everything I need to keep moving forward and drag him behind me. I just, I'm gonna miss him" I whisper.

"I know baby. He was a great man who put his faith in this world in you. You were the only thing that assured him that this place isn't as awful as he had seen. And you get to carry that on, spreading that faith that this place isn't so awful because we have people like you. He might be gone but you're still here, you're still touching people's lives in the way your grandpa touched the lives of all who met him" he tells me.

"Thank you" I say a softly as I turn around in his arms. I cup his face in my hands as I pull him down. "I couldn't imagine going through this without you by my side. I surely would have lost it."

"I just want you to be happy" he claims.

"I am. Thanks to you" I smile.