five.

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After we had left the church that day, I felt so small

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After we had left the church that day, I felt so small. Such a small, small fragment of what I really am. My parents haven't talked to me that much since then and I've had to stay in every morning to watch the morning sermons with them.

It's made them happier.

It's made me want to die.

I told Gracie nearly everything that had happened - as much as I could anyways. I know she's my best friend and I could tell her everything, but in reality, I was terrified of what she would tell the church. I told her about Mom thinking I was sleeping with Zayn and I told her about how she thinks my faith was getting shaky.

"That is intense," Gracie frowned, taking my hand into hers, "Are you doing better today?"

"No," I sighed, tilting my head back slowly, "Gracie, I need to move out of my parents house before they make me do something I'm going to regret. I can't keep living there with them breathing down my neck all the time. They even talked to Father about doing bible studies with me multiple times a week."

"What?" Gracie scrunched her face, looking at me in disbelief, "They do realize that believing in God isn't a personality trait, right? It's a simple way of living."

My eyes widened as I looked at her with a small smile spreading across my face as I held her face.

"Exactly! Gracie, exactly. I am so happy you get it!" I laughed out in disbelief. I had no idea that Gracie would feel the same way. Maybe I could be more open with her and she would understand everything, right?

Gracie laughed out as she grabbed my hands, pulling them away from her face as she set them in my lap.

"I mean, I believe in God and go to church, but my parents aren't that extreme. The only time we actually listen to sermons is when we are actually in church. Outside of that, not really..."

"God, you are so lucky," I sighed out, rubbing my face slowly, "I wish I had a family like that. Every day I wake up and it's constant 'god this, god that'."

"That sounds suffocating. When are you going to start bible studies with Father Harry?" Gracie hummed as she got up from the table, grabbing two cups from the cupboard as she poured coffee into them.

"I go later today. He said around three," I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose, "This kind of thing is going to make me go insane. I can't even think for myself for five seconds. My mind is always running a million miles an hour because I try to think for myself, but my parents manipulate me into thinking something else."

"Manipulate? How did you get that?" Gracie perked a brow up as she sat my coffee in front of me as she sat back down, "When you say manipulate, what do you mean by that?"

"Have your parents ever told you that you are gonna go to hell for not listening to a sermon on a monday morning?" I quipped, grabbing my cup as I took a small sip, sighing out, "It's like that."

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