forty-seven.

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I knew that one day I would bury my friends, but I never thought it to be so soon

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I knew that one day I would bury my friends, but I never thought it to be so soon. Standing in front of Nathan's casket decorated with some flowers, as if that would make this situation any more sad than it is; it really hit me.

Nathan was gone.

I was never going to see him again. I would never get to hear his stupid jokes I never laughed at, it made me wish I would've laughed more. Would never get to have drinks with him anymore. Never get to hug him or talk to him again.

And I had to do it all over again tomorrow with Michael's funeral.

Life was sick and twisted. I missed being ignorant to the evil in this world, I remember being much happier that way.

"He's in a happier place now." Gracie placed a hand onto my shoulder as I wept over his casket, nose nuzzled against the hard, cold wood.

"I–I know," I sobbed out, shaking my head as I pulled myself from the casket, wiping away my tears with the tips of my fingers, "I just miss him so much, it's like–it's like I didn't know he was really gone until now."

"I know what you mean..." She whispered, rubbing my shoulders slowly, "I feel the same way. I still can't believe I have to bury my boyfriend tomorrow..."

We had been crying all morning. It was a heavy day, to make matters worse it was raining outside and that really brought the mood down more. I'd never been to a funeral on a sunny day, it had always been raining. It was like a cliche movie, but instead this was real.

And I was in fact burying my friend.

"Anna?"

I sniffled, stilling at the familiar voice behind me before turning around to see Harry, Niall and Pete standing behind me with sullen looks on their faces. It was bad enough that I had to deal with the funeral, but seeing Harry again was like a knife in the chest. He had been blowing up my phone so much, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but the endless calls were exhausting. There was only so much I could take in a day.

"Hi." I whispered through a hoarse voice, shrinking back.

Harry twisted his face awkwardly, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

"I just wanted to say hello. Make sure you're okay..." He trailed off, turning his head slightly away, "Um...can I talk to you?"

I looked to Gracie who only gave me a reassuring nod. I was fighting with myself, I wasn't sure if I wanted to deal with his extra baggage today. But, I let him. The most I could do was hear him out, but I wasn't gonna let him make today about him.

"Yeah." I nodded.

We stepped off to the side, out of the main room and down the hallway where it was empty and we could have some privacy. I did feel bad for ignoring his texts, I knew he wanted to make sure that I was okay, but it was suffocating and I just needed a break. I don't know how long, but I needed one.

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