thirteen.

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I'm standing in the same spot that I promised myself I would never stand again

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I'm standing in the same spot that I promised myself I would never stand again. I hated that I kept doing things to make people happy instead of making myself happy.

Standing at the door of the church seemed to give me intense anxiety and I wasn't sure why. This used to be a safe space for me as a kid.

Somewhere that I never thought I would ever get hurt, but now it's just flooded with bad memories and intense situations.

Everyone was already inside.

I was late.

I was late because I debated showing up and on top of that, I really had to get somethings for my apartment. I couldn't just not buy food and dish ware and it took quite some time for me to do all of that after I got off work.

I took in a deep breath, my hand wrapped around the golden doorknob as I stared at the door. I debated turning around and leaving, but found myself pulling the door open and walking in.

Everyone was sat silent at the pews as the music played through. Diane was on the piano, like always. The music in this play kind of scared me, it sounded like waiting to be murdered in a horror film.

I took my seat all the way in the back by myself, placing my hands on my lap as I let out a slow breath. On the outside, I looked fine, but on the inside I was trying to breath. I couldn't catch my breath.

My parents were up front. Gracie and her parents were on the other side, Nathan and Michael were standing by the doors because they were ushers. I couldn't believe it when they told me they decided to be ushers.

It's kind of funny to see them in fancy suits. They've never worn fancy suits to church, but now they have too.

Zayn was still no where to be found.

I hadn't see him since Halloween. I often wondered how he was doing and if he was okay. I did miss him and he was one of my best friends, but I guess we can't be friends now that we've had sex.

It's just caused trouble and I hated that we gave into such a strong desire to pleasure each other. It wasn't bad sex either, god—it was great. The way his hands touched me, his lips all over my body, and just thinking about the way his hips rolled inside of me made my thighs clench together.

Why am I thinking about this in church? Fuck.

"Good evening everyone." Harry's voice rang through the microphone. My eyes went up to the stage, feeling my skin tighten around my body as I swallowed thickly.

"As always, thank you for coming. I hope you all had a good week," He paced the stage slowly, looking over the people sitting, "Today's sermon is going to be a bit different."

Everyone looked at each other in anticipation, and even I was starting to get nervous about what he was going to talk about. He knew too much about me already, who knows if he would just point at me and spill everything I've ever told him.

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