One and only warning: This book contains religion, catholic guilt, sex addiction, drug abuse, graphic sexual content and heavy violence. Read at your own discretion.
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"I am a priest, Anna. A child of god. You are a temptation," He whispered out, h...
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A sliver of light came into my vision, it was the end of all things. I had crawled into a dirt grave that I remember digging for myself years ago; it was cold and comfortable. Speckles of dirt fell into my mouth as I let out a silent yell for help, then my mouth was full of the Earth's body.
This was my fate, it always was.
Dying young, that is, though death was inevitable and something we weren't able to escape. But I thought, at least, deep down that this was going to be how I went.
Dirt covering my body, I wasn't ready to go yet. It was suffocating, with each inhale the dirt entered my nostrils and took away my breath. Fingernails clawing at the dirt bed, I dug myself deeper and deeper, just like I had always been. Silently. All my life. Each choice I'd made made this bed deeper; each collapse of my lung, each shallow breath through powdered medicines.
Each life I took.
Each time I had stared into someone's eyes as they drifted into the endless sleep, never to wake, never to live, never to love, never to. Never to. Again, and again. Never to.
Never and never till ever and ever.
Suffocation inside the Earth's walls, I was desperate to get out; because I didn't want to die. I never really wanted to die. Or maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. But I knew that, at that moment, I didn't want to. Not right now.
I'd dug myself so deep that I felt a warmth under my back, perhaps it was hell; I always knew it was waiting for me. I'd dug myself so deep that the dirt became mud, the mud became slush, and the slush became a river until my back hit a body of water and I was no longer in a grave, I was swallowing water with the promise of fresh air.
I kicked my legs, but I didn't know which way was up, or which way was down. Had I hit rock bottom? Every turn of my head, I was engulfed in darkness and my throat felt tight with each passing moment. My chest was filled with water and my eyes were turning red and dull.
I had no choice but to sink.
Sink.
Sink.
Sink.
The further I went down, the more that hopeless feeling set in. I screamed out, but coughed out the dirt in my lungs. The dirt turned to mud and floated to the bottom of the body of water. I screamed again, more dirt. I kicked my legs again. I lashed around. I screamed until all the dirt was gone and I felt my body become lighter from the cement in my stomach.
It couldn't end this way.
There was nothing to do, it was too late. I let myself sink again. Light as a feather, I sank, deep, deep, deep.
I closed my eyes. The pain was over. I didn't have to fight anymore. I didn't have to feel guilty anymore. I didn't have to fight everyday to feel some sort of happiness.
