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Halloween was tonight and after the bar incident it made me a little nervous to leave the house

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Halloween was tonight and after the bar incident it made me a little nervous to leave the house. I hadn't seen Harry in a few days and because of that I was stuck doing actual bible study with my mom. It wasn't fun and I felt like I wanted to throw myself out of the window.

She hasn't gotten any better.

She has gotten off my back a lot since I was leaving the house to go to the church more, but whenever I'm home I feel like she was still the same person. Still judging me for everything I do. Still hating every part of me. Still probably thinking I'm some big whore.

As for me, I've been doing better with everything. Me and Gracie had a heart to heart when we got back to her place and we talked about everything that happened with me and Zayn. I told her everything, even what happened in the Church.

She didn't think any less of me, instead she thought it was more funny than anything else. It made me feel better that I was able to laugh it off, but I knew that there was still a lot to work on. Gracie was helping me become more normal and not so.... a carbon copy of my mother.

I opened up to Gracie about how my mom handles me and how sometimes she can be very verbally abusive and Gracie said she wouldn't tell anyone either, which was really nice. I didn't want anyone to know.

In fact, she had offered me to stay with her, but I didn't know if this was the right time or not. I still wanted my own place that I could live by myself. I don't think I was ready to live with anyone right now.

She understood and instead, she wants to help me find a apartment by myself so I can get the fuck out of my parents house.

School was coming back after this weekend and I had prepared everything for my students and couldn't wait to get back out of the house to teach again. This is what the downfall of my job was-- the breaks. It meant I had to spend a lot more time at home than I would have liked.

Nonetheless, this would be over soon for me. I wouldn't have to deal with my parents that much anymore.

But since it was Halloween, there was a small trick or treating event at our church tonight that we had to go too and even helped set up for as well. Nothing too scary. Threw up some cobwebs and we had even built a maze out back for the kids to play in.

I decided to dress up as Bambi and even had some cute freckles that I had drawn on and some deer ears. That was it. Nothing spectacular.

Gracie was Thumper and she had came with Michael who was dressed up as a Zombie. I hadn't seen Zayn all night, and I didn't really want to think about it honestly.

The last time I saw him it was a mess and I didn't want to confront him on my private life. I think he felt like he may have entitlement on me since we slept together or maybe he just cares so strongly that he is acting out in some sort of way.

I didn't want to think he was jealous of me and Harry because there was nothing going on.

"Maybe we could let our social batteries drain together."

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