First Day Back (Part 6)

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Yeah, yeah I know I keep adding chapters to this saga but it's cause I can. You don't have to read them. That's on you.

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The softest touch on Carter's cheek pulled her from her sleep. She lay completely still, instantly awake. She felt relieved to be free of her dreams, not a nightmare but not pleasant either. The gentle caress came again, brushing aside her hair and drifting over her face.

When she opened her eyes, Donovan sat propped up on his pillow, staring down at her. She held his gaze as he continued to stroke her cheek.

"You are so beautiful," he said.

Carter didn't believe him. She'd glanced at her reflection lately and all she could see was her lank hair, her tired eyes, and the thinness of her face.

"Are you ready for today?" he asked.

She nodded though it felt like a lie.

Donovan pulled her into his arms and she sank into the safety and warmth of him. She closed her eyes, not wanting to leave this cocoon.

"We don't have to do this," he said. "We could become boring people. Get normal, average jobs. We could work in a bookstore. That way I'll always get a discount."

Carter almost smiled at that, but it felt like she'd forgotten how to. Lifting her head, she peered up at him.

"You love books but you would get bored," she said.

"Yes, but we wouldn't put ourselves in dangerous situations anymore. Bored to death but not dead."

"We're not dead now."

He tightened his hold on her and kissed the top of her head.

"No. That's true, we aren't."

He kissed her again.

"You aren't," he whispered.

They laid there, feeling the stillness of their isolated world. A world that felt like only they had inhabited for the last few weeks. Safe and quiet. Too quiet.

Carter tensed. She couldn't go back to the shell of a person. She needed to leave this world and the shadow of who she'd become.

"Okay, no bookstore," Donovan said as if understanding what she'd thought. "I'll make breakfast."

He kissed her and brushed his thumb over her cheek.

"One day at a time," he said.

She nodded. This time it wasn't a lie.

As he went to make breakfast, Carter showered. When she climbed out and began to dress, she stopped halfway through. The pants she used to wear hung loosely on her. And not in the way they had before. She buttoned them and found a gap between her stomach and the fabric. She raised her head and found her reflection.

She froze, fully taking in what, in her dazed state, she'd failed to see before. Arms that were no longer toned, but too thin. Ribs that were scarred from healing and prominent in a way they'd never been before. She turned to the side and held her breath, her shoulder bones jutted out more, and her shoulder blades stuck out.

"Carter?"

Carter snapped from her shock and pulled on her collared shirt, hiding her body. From Donovan, from herself.

As she entered the kitchen, she smelled the aroma of bacon, cheesy eggs, and toasted bagels with peanut butter waiting to be added. She looked over the array and understood. Her body wasn't a mystery to him, he knew exactly what she looked like, how thin she'd gotten.

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